It's all in the mind
by nutmeg17
Summary: Dean wakes up in pychiatric hospital, when he goes to bed does he start to dream or does he wake up from one? *full summary inside* One reality is fake but one love stretchs across both Dean/Cas and Dean/Jimmy please review xxxx
1. Chapter 1

Dean wakes up in psychiatric hospital where he's been since he was 21, or has he? When he goes to bed does he start to dream or does he wake up from one? Sam and Castiel urgently try to help Dean as he becomes more and more convinced it's all in his mind. Dean needs an anchor to tie him down and to choose one reality, trouble is, he has one for each and they are the same person. Dean needs to choose and his time is running out, one will set him free and one will kill him which is which?

Thank you to rnl1993 for betaing this story x

* * *

After an extremely vivid dream, one that Dean's had for the fourth time now he slowly lifted up the heavy lids that covered his sleepy green eyes. The sunlight forcing him awake and the uncomfortable motel bed forcing him to get up, Dean sighed as he got to his feet and advanced towards the small grubby bathroom. On the way he glanced at Sam still asleep and dreaming like a freaking baby, that damn boy could sleep through anything. When Dean left the bathroom he found Sam up and on his laptop. Some things never change Dean smiled to himself glad of that fact. He scanned the room, hoping Castiel was standing in the corner or something. He wasn't, this made Dean feel slightly sad, he would never tell Sam, but he missed Cas when he went away and he has been gone for a whole week now.

This didn't improve his already gloomy mood and could tell it was going to be a lousy day. Dean was feeling out of sorts since their last job. They were up against a witch; she was getting her own revenge back on the bullies that tormented her at school. Then when she got a taste for it and they always do. She started going after anyone that looked like they fit the profile of 'bully'. Sam and Dean unfortunately had to kill her. That fact of killing someone doesn't usually bother Dean; she was evil, they kill evil things, that's their job, their life. However ever since then he's been feeling off. This was running through his mind as he sat in the edge of his bed, he looked up at Sam.

"Did we really have to gank her?" He abruptly asked his brother.

Sam looked up from his laptop to meet the gaze of his brother, feeling a little confused at where the question was coming from.

"Who?"

"That kid from Illinois"

"You mean that witch from Illinois, come on dude we had no choice, it's not like I wanted to do it either"

"Yeah I know, I just feel bad for the kid, she was bullied and only trying to get some pay back"

"Dean, many people are bullied and have tragic childhoods, not everyone turns into a homicidal witch, if they did we might have to employ an assistant"

Dean laughed he knew Sam was telling the truth, he was just being stupid.

"Yeah… hey I could hire Cas to be my P.A."

"Dude do you hate him that much?"

"I would be an awesome employer, all the things he would do"

Dean was picturing Cas cooking him burgers zapping to Italy for a pizza, the endless supply of beer. It was only after he said this and spotted Sam's worried expression did he realize how dirty that sounded, and for once it was meant in an almost completely innocent way.

"Dude come on, you're sick" Dean immediately told his brother after seeing the look he was being given.

Sam laughed, and decided not to pursue an innocent sentence cock up; or at least he hoped it was.

"Yeah well, you'd be worse than those douches we P.A'ed for."

"What? That was truly awesome" Dean said a grin on his face as he remembered when he was P.A.

Sam seemed to know what Dean was thinking of, all the massive piles of free food he had constantly been munching on during that job.

"Whatever you still can't have Cas as your PA, I bet you wouldn't even pay him for his services" Sam said and gave Dean a suggestive look that had both the hunters laughing at the thought.

"What's a PA?" a familiar voice asked them.

Their laughter was soon stopped at the sound of Cas' voice. Cas wasn't the best at hello or goodbye or any sort of pleasantries so him just popping up like this was normal expected behavior from Cas. But still the timing could have been better.

"Oh, nothing." Dean said quickly. Cas was deeply confused he zapped himself in the room at exactly the wrong moment.

"Well as I understand it their kind of like slaves, do you want me to be your slave Dean?" Castiel asked his with the usual innocent tilt of his head.

At this Sam burst out laughing he just couldn't hold it in. Dean flashed him a glare that told him to keep quiet.

"No, no Cas I don't" Dean told the angel and then quickly picked a pillow from his bed and harshly threw it at Sam who was still in fits of laughter.

"But I am glad you're here Cas." Dean said looking at the angel after making sure the pillow hit Sam square in the face.

"Thank you Dean." Castiel said although that confused look was still firmly placed on his face.

Sam was finally coming down from his random laughing session, although it annoyed and embarrassed Dean, he realized how much he missed Sam's laughter, he hadn't heard it in so long.

"Now shall we go hunt those stupid sorry ass vamps down then?" Dean asked and used this line to try and regain some professionalism in the motel room. It seemed to work as Sam got up to pack a bag. They were soon in the impala and Dean was turning the key of his baby and letting her purr.

They were driving for about 40 minutes mainly off road, when the impala was pulled to a stop near the woods.

"The nest should be around 10 minutes north" Dean told Sam and Cas as they were standing on the edge of the dense forest they were about to enter.

During their mini hike they enjoyed the comfortable silence. Dean's mind started wondering though as they walked. He thought of the dream he had last night, it was roughly the same as one he had yesterday and a couple he had last week. They were beginning to freak Dean out a little. He wanted to ask Cas about whether dreams meant anything because if anyone knew, it would be Cas. But he didn't want to embarrass himself, and then he thought what the hell, he was probably going to ask him sooner or later anyway and there was no time like the present.

"Cas?" Dean asked breaking the silence.

"Yes."

"Do dreams mean anything?" Dean asked as casually as he possibly could.

Castiel looked at Dream, stunned at the randomness of the question as well as the seriousness of which it was asked.

"They can, messages and destinies can be put into someone's head in a dream to lead certain people to do certain things. That was more common of course when people believed in the meanings of dreams. Now they are generally all just random unpredictable dreams, why?"

"It's just I keep having this really strange recurring dream." Dean began to hesitantly explain.

"Hey guys, can you to have your girly bonding moment another time, please" Sam interjected.

They weren't close to the vampires; Sam just didn't want to hear about it, which was fair enough Dean didn't really want to talk about it.

"No, go on Dean, it could mean something important, something to do with Michael maybe." Castiel said having no regard for what Sam had just said.

"Okay…but you'll think I'm crazy. I dream I'm in this room its white and clean there's a bed but nothing else really, the bed has restraints and I'm being restrained by these straps and by 3 other guys all in white. There's this other guy he looks like, like Gabriel he's also in white shoving this huge ass needle into me and I feel dozy and then I wake up." Dean explained.

"Hmmmmm, it's a random unpredictable dream Dean." Cas reassured him, as Sam snickered non to subtly.

"Dean your right about one thing, you are crazy" Sam said to his brother with a cheeky grin.

"Fuck off Sammy!" Dean snapped at him in a good natured way.

The boys smiled at each other and continued the rest of the way, without talking. They came to a small hut in the middle of the dense green forest. They pulled out their weapons and advanced.

Things got bad quick. The vampires were smart and separated them; Dean was up against the wall getting the holy hell punched out of him. As he heard a woman's voice in his head he thought he was dying. Dean could hear a woman's voice in his head say, "doctor" and she shouted again and again. Every part of his body was throbbing with pain, his head spinning, and he could start to feel pins and needles in his fingers, and he choking on his blood as he tried to call for help. Dean closed his eyes to block out the pain, he tried to re-open them again but could barley open them he only managed to weakly peer through the tiny slits in-between his eyelids.

Suddenly he was not thinking straight, he was disoriented; he was in that white room. Three men all in white were standing holding him down, his body violently twitching from pain, head dangerously swinging from side to side as the vampire was punching him in the face although there was no creature in front of him as he peered to the room, he sure as hell could feel his fist though. Dean screamed he was in so much pain

"Doctor, it's a bad one." The nurse told Gabriel's double of a doctor as he came in the room.

"Bring him out, if we don't he'll be in there for months again, its time. Bring him out!" The Gabriel look alike said.

The nurse nodded and the doctor set to work. Dean had increasingly less and less energy he could no longer struggle against the weight of the men.

"He'll come to in a few hours." Dean over heard the very familiar slim blonde nurse say, before he fell into deep, black, dreamless, unconsciousness.


	2. Chapter 2

okay so I hope no one is too confused and will stick around for the next chapter even if you are, i promise it will all become clear

feel free to review and tell me what you think ^_^

Credit to rnl1993 for betaing! thank you x

* * *

"DEAN?"

Sam desperately shouted as he saw his brother lying on the floor bloodied and badly bruised, with a vamp about to feed of him. Sam ran towards them and with one strong blow of his machete the vampires head came clean off. This isn't what interested Sam, it was Dean. He looked hurt, really hurt. Shouting and shaking him were both unsuccessful. Sam didn't know what else to do.

"Cas?" Sam called to the angel turning his head to look for the other man.

Within seconds Cas was kneeling by a distraught Sam peering at an unconscious Dean, Cas too looking worried and upset at the sight of Dean looking so helpless and vulnerable. Sam checked Dean's pulse; it was beating, but barley.

"Fix him Cas."

"Sam you know I can't."

"Well do something!" Sam said in a frustrated tone.

Cas nodded and placed his hand over Deans forehead, closed his eyes and concentrated hard "It's strange…I can't read him….it's just blank…where ever he is I can't reach him, but he's alive, he's safe." Castiel finally said after re-opening his eyes.

"Can't reach him, what the fuck Cas? I thought you were always going around inside his head!"

Castiel was getting annoyed; he was trying his best and was worried about Dean too. Cas was still new with emotions but he knew enough to know when humans feel pain they tend to get angry, so let the frustration out with a heavy sigh.

"It's like something is blocking my view."

"Great angel you are." Sam muttered sarcastically.

Sam didn't mean to lash out at Cas so much. Thankfully Cas was getting better at understanding and within a blink of Sam's eyes they were back in the motel room. Cas gently putting a pillow under Dean's purple puffy face. The fact that he also ran his fingers through Dean short sandy hair, as the angel closely examined his injuries did not go unnoticed by Sam. Sam just stared at Cas' actions, the soft gentle way he careful touched Dean, being careful not to cause him more pain, Cas really did care for Dean; and it struck him just how much. Sam thought that_ 'angels do make pretty good…friends' _he settled on friends. Dean and Cas' friendship, relationship, well connection was complex at the best of times. Sam went to sit on the bed and stared to attend to Deans injuries.

"Sam you're hurt." Castiel told him looking at Sam's ripped shirt which revealed a bloodied torso underneath

"Cas I'm fine." Sam immediately said as he refused to stop his work on Dean to examine Cas' accusation. To prove his point Cas bent down and thrusted a finger into Sam's side, who kneeled over from the pain of the angels touch.

"What the hell!" Sam shouted through the pain, shocked and angered at what Cas did.

"Sam you're hurt." Castiel stated again.

"I KNOW! I heard you the first god damn time." Sam bit back angrily.

"Attend to yourself first Sam."

"No, I heard you the first time and I choose to ignore you."

Sam's devotion to Dean was undeniable but if Sam didn't look after himself he would be able to look after Dean

"Sam."

Cas was deadly serious but unfortunately so was Sam; he was not prepared to leave Dean's injuries to attend to his 'flesh wound'. Cas was standing over him staring straight into his eyes this made Sam weary but not cave in as he stared straight back. The battle of wills finished when Cas touched Sam on the shoulder. Sam instantly fell down and slept like a baby. Castiel picked him up with the ease of one who looked much stronger than him and placed him on the free bed. After stitching Sam up and making him comfortable. Cas turned back to Dean, his heart saddened at the sight of the elder Winchester so silent and still. Cas crouched so his and Deans faces were inches apart. They had never been this close without a lecture on personal space. Cas' eyes scanned Dean's face he really was beautiful bruises and all. Cas' slender fingers cradled Dean's masculine jaw line, Cas slowly moved into Dean so his lips were brushing against Dean's hair and gazing his ear lobe as Cas softly pleaded to the unconscious hunter.

"Wake up Dean, please wake up."

* * *

With the sensation of extreme falling Dean shot up with a curious adrenaline rush. His movement to sit up was in vain as he was pulled down to his back again. Dean was now very aware of his surroundings; he was in a white, bare, cold room on an old rickety metal framed bed. His wrists and ankles were buckled with brown leather straps that were attached to the bed. The last thing Dean could remember was somehow an ugly ass vampire had him up against the wall. Dean could feel a slight tingle over where his bruises should be and a faint taste iron in his mouth from the blood that he was chocking on, but there was neither wound nor blemish or scar any where over his arms, which was all he could see as he was wearing strange pajama like clothing. His head was splitting but not one feature was numb and as far he could see nothing was swollen. This was not what he expected after that beating. Dean was expecting to feel like crap and look like shit, he was expecting to put on a brave face and making jokes whilst wanting to cry, well the latter was still the same.

"What the hell!" Dean said to himself whilst pulling at the restraints

"WHAT THE HELL!" He shouted to the rest of the room whilst violently shaking his wrists pulling at the straps that held him but he was fighting a losing battle. When Dean realized this and stopped he was out of breath and panting heavily

"Sammy! Help me Sammy!" he yelled loudly hoping his brother was nearby and would hear him.

At this the door opened, Deans heart leapt after looking at his current situation he didn't bother hoping it was something good that was about to come through the door. What did, wasn't bad well evil, just surreal and weird. A man around Dean's height, he looked physically weaker that Dean, so he concluded if it came to it he could take him. He had brown eyes and shaggy sandy hair; he was wearing a white coat and name badge. Dean didn't need to read it;

"GABRIEL!" Dean yelled furiously.

"Hello Dean" the Gabriel look alike said calmly.

"Is this one or your stupid fucking message situations!"

"Dean, welcome back, my name is Doctor Guy Weston; you're at St. Mary's psychiatric hospital."

Dean wasn't even listening this was the trickster/angel in hiding; he was not going to listen to one word this lying son of a bitch has to say. But he still persisted

"Dean, I know you don't believe me and I know why. You think I am some sort of angel pretending to be demi-god, well I'm not. I'm head of this ward. And this is the 37th time we have had this convocation. But, it's only the 10th were you think I'm someone from your reality, so at least I'm making an impression on your subconscious."

The man stopped talking and looked at Dean, waiting for him to process. Unfortunately he could tell well he knew after all those times how he was going to respond.

"You're fucking crazy Gabe, I'm not getting what I'm supposed to be learning here, so now take me back to Sam and Castiel, now."

"I'm glad you mentioned them, Sam will be were on Wednesday as per usual and Jimmy, he will be here in an hour, he has been waiting for you to wake up."

Dean was now fully listening. This man looked exactly like Gabriel but more serious and not so much fun, as it this occurred to Dean, he couldn't believe he thought it, but he would prefer the usual Gabriel, instead of this, Dean settled on shape shifter. It must be what else could it be?

"Before Jimmy gets here, you should be caught up; I know from experience its best not to be in the same room, so here this is all you need to know."

Knowing Dean wouldn't take it he placed it next to him on the bed. Two men came in to held him down, whilst the doctor undid his restraints,

"Wow, you jerks really don't trust me here do you?"

Dean joked, but the precaution it was fair enough really, if he could he would take them all down and make a run for it, they must know him. When they left Dean sat up, he went straight to the small square mirror on the wall to check his face. It was perfectly normal; Dean was stumped as for an explanation. Cas would fix him in a heartbeat but he couldn't it was impossible so, who? What? After pacing the room and banging on the door as few times he realized it was useless.

Returning to the bed he picked up the package and opened it. Dean's eyes instantly widened and the sight of what was inside. Dean's eyes started stinging and the words on the assorted papers, photos, pictures and the cassettes became blurry. Dean's heart sank but still ended up in his throat as he began to read.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry if this confuses you, hopefully it wont, but if it does it will all become clear soon (I hope XD)**

**also I am fairly certain there is no such thing as a 'confessionalist' but for the sake of the story i am going to pretend there is lol please to the same ^_^**

**hope you enjoy the chapter ****feel free to review xxx**

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Dean had finished reading about a life that belonged to him, a life he couldn't remember and really did not want. In a state of confusion, anger and desperate denial Dean grabbed the metal rusty frame of his bed and flung it to the side of the room, screamed and watched as it screeched across the floor. This did help his anger but did nothing for the desperate denial he was clinging onto, that this was all somehow a dream. The package fell to the floor and papers scattered by his feet. Dean rolled his eyes as he reluctantly bent down to pick them up. The first one he came to was the picture of his dad. His mug shot, record and prison details were in deans hands filling him with sadness. His father looked full of hatred in the picture and his eyes, they gave Dean shivers, his eyes were dead. Dean stared at this picture and got lost in the thoughts of this dad, about his bravery and selflessness that apparently were not traits of the 'real' John Winchester. When Dean heard the door open he looked up eyes beginning to fill with tears but Dean fought them away. He watched as a head appeared from behind the door. It was a slim man with dark messy hair and deep azure blue eyes. Dean overwhelmed with happiness stood up and hugged Castiel thanking god he found him to take him back to the motel room.

"Thank god you're here Cas. It's Gabriel its like fucking T.V. land again. You need to get holy oil and"

"Dean, Dr. Weston is here to help you, we all are and please call me Jimmy"

Dean stared at the angel, completely bewildered. He noticed Cas really didn't look like Cas; here the hell was his trench coat? He was wearing black jeans, a shirt with all the buttons undone and a white vest underneath, he looked odd.

"Cas?"

"Jimmy"

"Castiel"

"Dean please, if we are going to talk I insist you call me by my name"

"Alright fine! Ill dance to your song, ill play your little game, but I'm telling you Cas I want out."

Jimmy didn't respond

"Okay! Jimmy"

"That wasn't so hard was it?"

Dean scolded Jimmy, for talking to him like an infant.

"Now, shall we talk?"

Jimmy spoke calmly and politely, it sounded the complete opposite to Castiel and didn't suit him at all. Dean was used to deep rusty gravely talk from his angel. Jimmy gestured to the out of place bed for him to sit down, Dean did so and Jimmy took the chair.

"Jimmy, don't take this the wring way, but who the hell are you?"

"I'm your confessionalist Dean, I have been since Alistair, you didn't respond well to him, so they assigned me to you, that's how we met and we meet and talk after you wake from your reality"

"No we met when you pulled me from hell"

"Alistair isn't bad Dean, you just didn't respond to his methods"

Dean stared at Jimmy, searching his eyes for truth, which he regrettably found

"You have an answer for everything don't you, you cocky son of a bitch, where's Sam?"

"He'll be here on Wednesday"

"Everyone keeps saying that, why?"

"Because he always comes on Wednesday, whether conscious or not, you lucky to have him"

"Once a week, yeah great"

"Dean, he has to travel a whole state to get here"  
"we've travelled further for less"

"No Dean you haven't, it's a lot for Sam to do every week, considering"

Not liking being out of the loop one bit especially as it concerned his baby brother, so he snapped at Jimmy

"Considering what?"

"Considering his wife Jessica is going to have the baby anytime now, but he still comes to see you"

"What?"

Sam was with Jessica, living an apple pie life. Dean didn't understand but at least Sam seemed like he was okay, there were more pressing matters to discuss anyway

"What about my father"

Dean shouted shoving John's mug shot in Jimmy's face

"My dad is dead"

"No Dean, he's alive. You know I'm telling the truth, you now your dads a bad man and well screwed with your head from a very early age."

Dean was not going to accept this information anytime soon and was certainly not going to allow this guy to insult his dad, Dean was angry no one offends his family. He got up and bent down so he looked Jimmy dead in the eye, faces inches apart.

"Don't talk like that about my father"

Jimmy was strangely comfortable with his and Deans positioning, even though he was being threatened, he was probably used to it. Jimmy simply looked at Dean and raised his hand to cup Dean's tense stressed face; it was strangely intimate and worryingly familiar. Dean felt Jimmy's hand and wanted to pull away, but the softness of his skin and gentleness of his touch had it impossible for Dean to do so. Instead he closed his eyes and lent into his touch, trying to feel the most from this as possible.

"I'm sorry Dean"

Jimmy spoke quiet and slowly, it was soothing and made Dean tingle. Suddenly coming to his senses Dean pulled away snapping back from whatever place Jimmy's voice sent him.

"What the fuck?"

"Dean its okay, I'm here for you. It's okay"

Jimmy put his hand onto Dean's shoulder and gripped it tightly; Dean felt reassured and sat back down on the bed as it let out a huge creek, showing its age. He had many questions, but one he simply had to get straight in his mind;

"So, he killed my mother?"

"Yes and countless others"

Dean shook his head, he couldn't believe it he wouldn't, yellow eyes had killed her and tore his family apart.

"My dad was an obsessed basted, that devoted his life to hunting the god damn demon that killed my mother and saved hundreds of lives along the way. He was not a killer"

"I'm sorry Dean, but that was his excuse for killing innocent people, like your mother. You've read the report and we've talked about this many times before. He claimed demons, vampires, were wolfs, and ghosts. But in the end it was just a twisted mind on a killing spree, morphing and brain washing his children"

Dean couldn't take anymore he could listen to this shit, he boiled over and couldn't control himself, getting to Jimmy in two strides pulled back his hand and punched him in the side of the face, knocking him to the ground

"If you've told me this before, you should have fucking seen that coming"

Nursing his face, Jimmy stood up right in Dean's personal space looking dean in the eye;

"I did. guys!"

Two men came in and held Deans arms.

"Dean if you calm down I'll be happy to talk and you can tell me all about your reality and we can try to decipher a meaning"

Dean struggled against the two men's weight

"Fuck off Cas"

"Jimmy"

He men calmly added. Dean was so annoyed at this guy's insistence Dean couldn't help but shout it in his face

"JIMMY!"

"Dean if you don't calm down these men will put you under"

"Good, I said I wanted to go home, back to where it makes sense and you're not such a douche"

Dean struggled violently with the men to prove his point, after a nod from Jimmy the men strapped dean to the bed again and left the room at Jimmy's insistence. After moving the chair next to the bed, Jimmy sat. He was silent for a while as he was making little circles on Dean's left hand.

"I don't want to do this; it kills me to let you go back"

"Jimmy, I want to go back"

"And I want you here with me"

"Jimmy, how professional is our relationship?"

Dean asked worryingly after noticing the circling on his hand. Jimmy smiled, stood and kissed Dean on the forehead and spoke into his ear, breathing the words into his skin giving him Goosebumps;

"I will get you better baby, and we can get out of here together. You're coming out of that reality of yours"

Jimmy ran his hand through Dean's hair, which completely answered Dean's earlier question, Jimmy continued talking in a hushed whisper;

"And you're going to be happy, I'll make you happy. I promise"

Jimmy's voice was so full of love; it was strange to hear that in the voice that is identical to the angels who such the vocal and emotional range of a spade. Dean closed his eyes and felt Jimmy's breathe

"Sweet dreams"

Jimmy spoke through a kiss he gave Dean on the check. Dean felt a sharp pain in his arm from the needle, which was thankfully but disturbingly masked by the warmth he got from the kiss. Dean's body relaxed and was limp Jimmy sat on the chair and watched Dean drift into his mind once more.


	4. Chapter 4

"Dean? DEAN! Can you hear me, come on man wake up"

Dean's black eyelashes fluttered and nose wrinkled as he began to regain consciousness, he slowly opened his eyes, feeling woozy, and his head was still splitting.

"Jimmy?"

Dean asked still in the mind set of the hospital. Once he spoke he realised he was back on a crappy motel bed, which was still actually more comfy then the old worn out one in the hospital

"Dean? What? No its Sam"

"Sam? Sam!"

Dean was now fully awake and sat up like a shot and pulled his brother in for a hug, completely overwhelmed to see his brothers face again.

"Are you alright Dean? You had us worried"

At this Dean's eyes went from his brothers beaming face to the figure he saw sitting out the corner of his eye, sitting on a chair to the side of the room. It was Castiel; at least it looked like him.

"Cas? Is that you?"

Dean scanned Cas' body up and down, it did look like his angel right down to the trench coat. Castiel stood up, the sides of his mouth curved into a rare smile

"Hello Dean"

Cas' low husky growl of a voice was like music to Dean's ears, he was home. Dean couldn't help but smile uncontrollably at Cas, fighting away the urged to throw his arms around him.

"It's fantastic to see you guys"

"Where did you go?"

Dean looked at Sam puzzled at the question, he couldn't go anywhere, he was unconscious at the motel,

"In here"

Sam added tapping his head with his index finger, as he spoke Castiel moved closer, needed to know what Dean has to say.

"It was strange I was in that room I told Cas about, everything was the same than here, but different."

"Dean you know that makes no sense right?"

Dean's eyes turned to the floor as he stood and on slightly wobberly legs he paced the length on the crummy room, trying to remember every detail. He looked at his wrists they were burning

"What the hell?"

Cas was by his side before he had even finished, inspected his wrists. There were red marks from the restraints of the hospital bed. Cas' warm soft hands lightly ran over the marks, his touch gave Dean Goosebumps. Dean breathed in a sharp breath as he saw the concentration and what seemed like affection on Cas' angelic face. It reminded Dean of Jimmy and how he spoke softly into his ear before he woke up. Dean watched as the angel carefully soothed his red bruises with his gentle touch. The angel reluctantly let go on the hunter's hands, which Dean cursed him for.

"Dean, I'm sorry I couldn't reach you"

Cas voice was now no more than a whisper full of guilt. Dean felt terrible that Cas blamed himself, forgetting himself momentarily he placed his hand on Cas' cheek and moved his head, so his eyes connected with the endless blue that never failed to amaze him.

"It's okay"

Dean reassured Cas and smiled gently. Cas, although looked slightly uncomfortable with this new form of contact between them, tenderly smiled a soft smile back.

"Tell us everything"

Sam's voice introduced himself back into the room, which had forgotten he was there. Dean let Cas' face go, which was rough under is touch and tickled his palm.

"You might want to sit down Sammy"

Sam did so and Dean began, he spoke of everything. That Gabriel was his doctor, Alistair wasn't a demon and he wasn't in hell, about there dad being a killer and not dead, that Sam was married to Jessica with a baby on the way and about Castiel well not everything about him, Dean left out the part where he and Jimmy seemed to be in some sort of weird relationship. When he had finished even Castiel was perched on the edge of the bed.

"Wow Dean, you really are crazy"

"Sammy this isn't funny, that place felt real. I mean seriously fucking real, more real than this"

"Dean it was all in your head, that vampire really laid into you"

"But I was dreaming about that place before the god damn vampire!"

Sam didn't have any answers for Dean, and turned to the one person that might

"Cas?"

"It was in your head there no question about that but, why do you keep going there?"

"You see that is exactly what you said there, a few nights ago!"

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose he could feel his headache worsen. Cas moved closer and sat down next to Dean

"We'll sort this out; I'm going to help you"

"We both will"

Sam added, Dean looked from Sam to Cas and nodded.

"Okay, I don't know if I could handle more of you in that place Cas?"

Dean had over shared and new it, then he went read as he remembered the feel of Jimmy's lips, how soft they were and how, now looking Cas he wanted more. Cas did his customary confused look with his trade mark head tilt; Dean decided it was his kitten look. Sam had already adopted the puppy one and Cas' was much more amusing and adorable, in Dean's opinion. Sam lent forward to catch anything else Dean said as quickly as possible. Dean of course said no more and stood up and walked out of the situation,

"Wait Dean, I think I've got it. Think about it in that hospital you didn't go to hell, dad was alive, mum never go it killed by a demon and I was married, those are the things you wanted right? So what ever is coursing this is sending you to your dream world. Okay so the dreams are fucked up but when you think about it you've got everything you want there right?"

What Sam said made sense and Cas agreed that this was a liable explanation. Dean thought about it. He thought about Jimmy and his lip's, that's not what Dean wanted, was it?

"No, no way Sammy, I do not want that"

Dean's eyes involuntarily moved to Cas and Sam saw,

"Dean what are you not telling us"

"We should call Bobby"

Dean tried to change the subject, it worked everyone was too freaked to argue that they needed help. Dean got out his cell and pressed the speed dial for Bobby and listened to it ring,

"Hey Bobby its Dean"

Dean wasn't able to say anymore, because Cas, zapped them to the salvage yard, 4 feet from Bobby's nose, he was worried for Dean and didn't want to wait for permission.

"What the hell?"

Bobby said to the boys, still talking down the phone.

"Hey bobby we have a problem"

"What have you idjits gotten into now"

Dean caught everyone's gaze and attention when he fell to his knees screaming in pain holding his head.

"DEAN?"

Sam shouted panicked and ran to his brother's aid, there were tears streaming down Deans cheeks

"I can ahhhhh! see the room again Cas, ahhhhh! Cas help me! I don't want to go back, ahhhhh please don't make me go back!"

Dean was pleading with Cas. And at Deans surprising bid for help, Sam stood back unsure why Dean choose the angel over him, but with no time to lull it over as bobby swung him around

"What's going on boy?"

Bobby was worried as hell and demanded Sam tell him. Sam looked once more at Dean, who was being held up by Cas

"Go, I'll watch over him, find out how to stop it"

With that Sam was dragged into the library to dig deep into anything they could lay their hands on, hoping something has the answer for helping Dean. Cas moved the stumbling, weeping, disoriented Dean to the sofa here he lay down, clinging to Cas' coat pulling him closer.

"Help me Cas, make it stop, it don't want to go back"

Dean's voice was heart breaking, he sounded like a child that had been ripped from his parents and was begging to go home. Dean's eyes were tightly shut and mouth open silently screaming in pain, a tear rolled down Castiel's cheek, seeing Dean in so much pain had an odd effect on Cas that he couldn't explain. Stroking Dean's hair Cas felt his heart drop

"I'm sorry Dean, there's nothing I can do"

Cas held Dean in his arms, praying the pain would stop

"I see you, Jimmy. I see Jimmy, he's ahhhhh! he's smiling. You're happy here Cas ahhhhh"

"Dean, fight it, stay with me. Dean?"

Cas spoke in a desperate plea but it was too late. With one last gut retching scream of his angel's name, Dean fell unconscious in Cas' arms. Castiel held him, he didn't want to let him go, but knew he had to. Cas gently gave Dean a secret kiss on his forehead whilst breathing in Dean's familiar warming smell, before repositioning Dean to make him comfortable.

He knew that Bobby and Sam needed assistance in their extensive session of research. But Cas promised to watch over Dean, and that is what he is going to do, however long he was lost for. Castiel would wait for Dean, forever if need be.

Sitting on a chair next to the now peaceful looking hunter that was silent and still, Cas held Dean's cold and clammy hand with his left and stroked it softly with his right.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't stop it Dean"

Cas whispered to himself before moving his forehead against the hunter's flimspy hand and for the first time in a millennia, he let the tears roll freely down his vessel's face.


	5. Chapter 5

"AHHHH!"

Dean woke up screaming, his body jerked and green eyes shot open. Unfortunately he new straight away where he was by the smell of disinfectant that hung in the air. Due to the restraints he couldn't nurse his throbbing head so had to just lay there, feeling his skull burn with every pulse, but the level of pain was thankfully decreasing. Jimmy was still by his side faithfully waiting in the chair next to him.

"Welcome back Dean"

"Piss off"

"Dean please"

"You're not real, you're just some strange fantasy where I get with Cas, and it's freaking me out, so please just fuck off."

"Come on, I need to show you some thing"

Jimmy stood and unbuckled Dean, trusting him completely. What a strange and foolish man he was; as soon as Dean was free he jumped from the bed and shoved Jimmy against the wall, gripping his shirt tightly and pushing himself close up against Jimmy's warm body, that smelt of vanilla and peppermint Dean noted to himself.

Dean tried again and again to shout to threaten to speak, even to move but he found it impossible. The sight of Jimmy's stare full of longing and love was intoxicating. His lips parted and dry, breathing heavily, Deans face tingled as Jimmy's breathe skated over his features. Jimmy's lips slowly curved into a comfortable, mischievous smile. Dean was certain the basted was enjoying being pinned.

Dean stared into Jimmy's eyes, what was he doing? He had the chance to run to escape to find Gabriel to stop all this madness, but he couldn't tear himself away from Jimmy. Dean had the urge and he submitted to it completely. In the blink of Jimmy's eye Dean's lips crashed against his in a passionate, angry, desperate kiss. Dean's grip on Jimmy's shirt tightened and the hand Jimmy was caressing the back of Dean's head with received more pressure. Making the two move closer and closer wanting to feel each other, touch each other, taste each other. Lips moved against the others, nipping and sucking along the way, teeth clashed and tongues fort for dominance inside their mouths.

Dean's hands let go of Jimmy's shirt, and moved rhythmically across his chest to his shoulders, brushing up his arms and gripped his wrists, tightly.

Dean smashed Jimmy's wrists against the wall and with his strong grip Dean held him against the white bare wall. The need to breath forced them to part, Dean admired how completely and utterly fuck worthy Jimmy looked being pinned.

Dean was soon nuzzling Jimmy's neck; his grip tightened as he licked and kissed, bite and nipped. Jimmy's swollen pink lips realised an erotic moan created in his throat that even made Dean moan back it was such a turn on.

Dean's actions would bruise slightly and it hardened Jimmy completely. With Jimmy still pinned he was helpless to resist when Dean bite into his earlobe, breath cooling and tingling the rest of his sensitive ear giving Jimmy shivers and another reason to groan.

"uh Dean"

Jimmy's lips breathed his name, utterly egging Dean on and making him more determined to continue. Dean moved Jimmy from the wall and pushed him on the old creaky metal bed with a lot of force.

He was soon straddling Jimmy, grinding his hips into Jimmy's throbbing cock. The last thing Jimmy wanting was to put Dean off but it had to be asked

"What uh, happened in there Dean?"

"Stuff"

Dean answered as he ran his hands up Jimmy's firm chest under his vest. Jimmy's head hit the pillow when Dean started playing with his nipples, his back arched from pleasure when Dean added his wet warm tongue to the mix, coating it in warm saliva as he applied his teeth, twisting and sucking until they were hard and red.

"You, uh you do this; uh you do this with Castiel?"

Dean smiled as he moved down and licked across Jimmy's abdomen under this naval were his waist band rested, he was teasing Jimmy and giving him Goosebumps, Jimmy could already feel the heat pool under his naval from the build up to his orgasm as it pulsated heat through his body. He smiled as he began to kiss up Jimmy's stomach answering his question, speaking into the kisses

"Thought about it, all the time actually. But I'm not gay, so that's what these fantasies are for."

Jimmy's face and heart sank and he sat up, which removed Deans ability to carry on and they faced each other Jimmy now looking upset and slightly angry as he looked at the man sitting on his lap.

"Dean this isn't a fantasy"

"Yeah sure"

Dean smile and lent in to kiss Jimmy, who pulled away

"Dean this is real"

"Yeah I'm screwing my therapist, huh yeah does sound like me"

"I'm serious Dean"

Jimmy got out from under Dean and sat on the edge of the bed leaving space between them.

"I want you, more than anything, but not if you don't believe in me. I'm real Dean. I'm real"

Dean sat next to Jimmy and placed his hand on Jimmy far cheek, moving it so they looked into each others eyes; it was the perfect mixture of blue and green.

Jimmy and Dean were resting their foreheads on the others when the door opened. Jimmy darted up and moved away from Dean, having to adjust slightly to hide the hardness in his boxers. Dean's Dr stood in the door frame.

"Hello Dean and how are we feeling today?"

"Peachy thanks Gabe; now let me the fuck out!"

"Dean, my name is Dr. Weston and by all means you may come to the rec room, that's what I thought Jimmy was doing"

The Dr's eyes moved to Jimmy he was getting increasingly nervous.

"Is that the lesson I'm supposed to learn, you stupid junk-less angel? That I like Cas is that it?"

"I'm not sure what you telling"

"You know. What you think having Jimmy here is going to make me admit my feelings for Castiel!"

"Dean are you telling me your relationship between Mr. Novak is more than professional. If you are you should know that is a serious allegation and he will be removed as your confessionalist pending an investigation. Is that what you are saying?"

Dean was confused at the angel playing dumb, maybe that wasn't the lesson. Jimmy caught his eye he was standing to the side of Dr. Weston a little further back so he couldn't see the look he was giving Dean. Jimmy was anxious and uneasy, suddenly very rigid by his posture he looked more like Castiel, however his face was so adorably cute it was child like with full on puppy eyes, it made Deans heart melt. His eyes were pleading with Dean to be quite and to take it back.

"No, no I'm not saying that"

Dean lied though his teeth but he's not going to let Jimmy, real or not get in trouble because of him.

"Good"

The doctor said with a smile

"now Jimmy, I think you should finish what you started"

A sneaky forbidden smirk appeared on Deans face remembering the feel of Jimmy's slender body under his strong thighs, how Jimmy's cock felt pressed against his, yes Jimmy should really finish he thought

"Yes doctor"

With one more slightly suspicious look from Jimmy to Dean through narrow eyes the doctor left, leaving the door open.

As soon as the Gabriel look alike was out of sight, all it took was one more clash of blue and green before dean and jimmy took one step towards each other and lips were vigorously moving against each others again. Dean's hands were on his lovers slim hips pulling him closer whilst Jimmy's were placed on Deans cheeks, steadying and deepening the kiss. Jimmy used his grip to tear their lips apart

"Come on, I need to show you something"

Jimmy panted out from lack of breath with a smile stretched across his beaming face.

"What now?"

"It's important, please"

Dean nodded in agreement. He wanted desperately the thing he has to be shown involved Jimmy taking of his pants, but Dean knew it couldn't be and reluctantly followed him out the room.

"What do you want to show me then?"

Dean asked as he walked by Jimmy's side through the bare cold corridor. They got to a door and went inside, it was full of patients were the same pyjama like clothing Dean was wearing. Some were communicating with each other and were talking playing games etc, whilst others were talking or playing games with them selves.

"This"

Jimmy said watching as Dean looked around the room

"Them"

Jimmy added gesturing to two young men; they were for some reason crawling along the floor. Dean raised his eye brows and looked at Jimmy in a 'what the fuck?' Kind of way. Dean turned back to the men and watched as they stood. When there faces were revealed Dean's mouth hit the floor, eyebrows hit the ceiling and heart increased its pumped to an alarming rate

"ED? HARRY?"

The two men looked up, as Dean approached them patting them both on the shoulder to greet them, and to also check they were real.

"What the fuck are you guys doing here?"

"We're hunting a ghost, you wanna help Dean?"

Jimmy joined the three men and answered before Dean could

"Sorry boys, Dean is busy today"

"Okay, catch you around Winchester"

"Happy hunting boys"

Jimmy told them with a smile, as Ed and Harry looked at each other both raised their left hands in front of their faces lowering them into a fist whilst saying their customary

"Ghost facers"

With one more look at Dean and Jimmy they nodded and were off, Harry rolled along the floor and Ed hid behind a chair getting out his EMF reader- which in reality was an empty box of crayons with 'EMF' written over it in blue marker. Dean slowly turned his head to Jimmy, eyes wide taking it all in.

"The ghost facers, there not real?"

Jimmy shook his head

"I'm afraid not Dean not in the strictest sense, but Dr. Weston was very pleased when they entered into your reality, it means the new drugs are beginning to work, and your taking more and more in from your surroundings here, and retaining the information when you go back to your reality, it is also how we managed to bring you out of your head so quickly after you went back in. This means your improving Dean, it's a good thing"

"No Ed and Harry are complete douches but their not crazy, neither am I!"

"Dean I know you not crazy, but you are ill"

Dean shook his head refusing to hear another word Jimmy was desperate to say. He walked off to the far corner of the rec room trying to take it all in, needing space. Jimmy let him go and watched him as he walked.

"May I sit down?"

Dean looked up it was Gabriel well his doctor standing over him, Dean new there was no point refusing so he nodded.

"Look Dean I know it's a shook, it always is. And I know you don't trust me but I thought I should tell you that; I was touched that you made me an angel slash demi god, it's a very powerful position you put me in. Jimmy tells me its because as head of the ward, so I do to some extent control reality, I control your meds, I can refuse you visitors or time in the rec room, and that has reflected as controller of your entire world. I want you to understand this Dean, I'm a good man and I am here to help you. I want you to trust me and we will get you better. Now, Sam will be here tomorrow at 3 I have put you two in room b5"

With that the Dr left, the guy sounded sincere and by experience he knew that Gabriel liked the attention and him and Sam to know he was playing them. So this just made no sense but either way he was going to see Sam again. Dean looked over at Jimmy he was talking to one of the patients they were both smiling and laughing. It made Dean wish he saw Cas smile more. Dean smiled to himself feeling warm and bubbly at the sound of Jimmy's classy laugh.

He got up deciding to try his hand at chatting up a nurse not that it was going to go anywhere, Dean just wanted a little fun and saw no warm. He walked over to a tall slim blonde hair nurse he remembered from his dreams. However the new drugs they were pumping into Dean did bring him back to the hospital when not asleep, but they were also very temperamental.

As soon as Dean tapped the nurse on the shoulder so she'd turn around, he was on his knees in familiar pain. Dean was coherent enough to recognise the face, that turned hearts cold and souls dark, a face with evil in every inch, well usually now she looked more human

"Lilith?"

Dean screamed out in pain, as she bent down to help but Dean violently shoved her away knocking her to the ground before stumbling out the door. After checking on Lily who was returning to her feet, Jimmy quickly ran after Dean. It didn't take long before he was holding Dean, as he curled up in a ball in the floor

"Is this your god damn drugs working?"

"Relax dean, you'll be back soon"

"No no no"

Dean repeated until he collapsed onto the floor. The orderlies were coming with a trolley to take Dean back to his room. Jimmy gently gave Dean a secret kiss on his forehead whilst breathing in Dean's familiar warming smell, before waiting for help to arrive.


	6. Chapter 6

Cas was still sitting of the chair staring at the sleeping dean, he had the over whelming urge to touch him, just to feel deans skin against his own, the warmth of his body warming Cas' heart, he needed to be closer to dean. So Cas moved from the chair, so he was sitting beside him on the old sofa. He stroked Dean's face, soothing dean from the recent sudden jolts of energy.

Sam came in the room to cheek on his brother, due to Cas' concentration on dean and all his senses were now centred around him. Cas did not notice the younger Winchester watching him, he didn't even sense it. Sam watched as the angel gently touched deans forehead, ran his light finger across his face and over his lips. It was very intimate and even heart warming so see such care taken over his elder brother. Sam decided not to disturb Cas, knowing he would become awkward and distant and dean needed Cas right now, he said so himself. so Sam returned to the library to continue researching with a reluctant subtle smile that stretched across his dimpled face.

Dean suddenly jerked up wards gasping struggling to breath, dean moved into the arms of his angel, Cas cradled dean, cupping the back of his neck, trying to calm his breathing and erratic painful thoughts,

"shhhh, its okay dean, your home shhh."

Cas soft tone worked and Dean's breathing became quiet and he closed his eyes thanking god for his return. The familiar sight of Cas, made deans heart flip, the familiar smell of old spice that dean smelt on Cas' pale exposed neck made his stomach flip. Feeling Cas' warmth was soothing as dean put his arms around the man, dean breathed in Cas' smell as tear rolled down his cheek he was happy to be back to the world that made sense.

Dean was happy to be embraced without the feeling of extreme sexual chemistry, _dammit_,

Or without dean wanting to pinned Cas up against the wall, _dammit_,

Dean pulled away before he got too excited and submitted to urges again.

"Thank you Cas,"

"For what?"

"For being here."

"You asked me to stay, I wasn't prepared to leave you."

Dean smiled realising Cas was a truly awesome angel, above that he was a truly awesome friend, but even above that Dean thought he had the most truly amazing soft lips, _dammit_

Cas stared into Dean's eyes, he was sure that Cas' deep untamed blue eyes were reading his thoughts, that Cas could see all the images of him and Jimmy all the feelings and ideas he has for Cas. That or it was written all over his face, he licked his lips and made Cas fidget feeling a little awkward under his gaze.

Dean cupped Cas' face with his soft palm sensitive to the stubble that speckled his face, their was no protest, in fact Cas slightly lent into Dean's touch. Dean moved closer and place a dry chaste kiss on Cas' neck, as he pulled away he saw Cas' terror stricken face, frozen from shook of what Dean was doing to him, shocked but not protesting. So Dean continued; he sprinkled Cas' neck with wet kisses and playful nips, when he heard the angels heavy breathing and the silent moans that got caught in his throat Dean relaxed his shoulders and placed more weight over Cas.

"Uh, Dean."

"Yes Cas?"

Dean answered trying to sound as innocent as possible whilst molesting his angel

"Stop, uh stop Dean, uh."

Dean heard the words but did not except them; he ran his right hand up Cas thigh and the other down his chest, sending lustful shocks to all of Cas' limbs

"Stop"

Cas regaining strength manage to push Dean away to both of their surprise

"Cas what's wrong?"

"I asked you to stop Dean."

"You mean that though, right?"

Dean looked worried and hurt; praying for the answer he wished would fall from the angel's lips. Cas didn't answer he did the exact opposite to want Dean was desperately hoping for, what he wanted and needed to hear. With the sharp sound of the flutter of wings which pierced through the defending silence; Cas was gone. A lone tear fell silently from the hunters stinging blood shot darkened eyes and fell to his confused, ghostly white face, baffled at what he had done wrong.

Dean looked for the longest time at the empty place that was, a few moments ago occupied by the most beautiful creature Dean has ever known; it took just a blink from Dean for Cas to disappear. So he hoped that some how a blink was all it took to bring him back. Dean knew it was stupid but he was desperate. He did this until he heard a familiar tension breaking clear throat cough, and Dean's eyes shot up instantly and met with his baby brothers.

"Sam!"

Dean exclaimed and went over to embrace his brother

"This is great dean, am I to expect a hug from you every time you wake up now?"

Dean chuckle and let Sam out of his monster grip.

"I found the beer."  
came a familiar voice from the kitchen, Dean went to greet the man he has come to know as a father,

"Hey bobby."

Bobby's eyes widened he didn't not expect Dean awake, much less walking about.

"Come here boy."

Dean hugged Bobby and new he was well and truly home, he had to be. They went into the library and sat around a small table, with book scattered everywhere.

"I'm really getting sick of this guy's, you have no idea how much it hurts, like my brains on fire or something, and it's not getting any fucking better."

"We're working on it. Do you still think its Gabriel's doing?"

Bobby asked slightly hopeful that that was the answer

"No, I don't think so. Sam you remember when we were in TV land, Gabriel loved it, he loved us knowing we were being played. This guy who ever he is looks like Gabriel but is a completely different guy."

There was silence for a long time. Every one trying to think of some explanation, it was Sam's curiosity that piped up

"Dean tell us every thing about that place."

Although hesitant Dean new he had to, just skipping one or two things, mainly Cas even the innocent parts, he couldn't even imagine talking about his angel without stinging eyes or a croaky voice at this point.

"Well I'm at St. Mary's nut house. Sam is married to Jess and living an apple pie life, Dad's in prison Gabriel's the head of the ward, Lilith's a nurse and Bobby, sorry Bobby you haven't come up/"

"Gee thanks."

"Sorry ooh and the ghost facers are patients too."

"Well that doesn't surprise me."

Sam tried to joke, as bobby's eyes rolled he was slightly niffed he wasn't part of Dean's crazy reality.

"Not at all? Not even a doctor or a patient or even a fucking orderly?

Dean shook his head Bobby looked disappointed and his pride wounded. Dean actually felt bad not that he could control his mind.

"Have you found anything?"

Dean asked sounding naively hopeful, Bobby shrugged in a pissed off trying not to show it as there are more important things to worry about way.

"it could be angels a powerful demon or a witch maybe."

"Wow that narrows it down thanks guys,"

Every one got pissed of at this statement; it wasn't like they hadn't tried.

"Watch your tone boy, we've been working non stop for 3 days, while you've been dreaming away."

Dean raised his eyebrows in complete shook, three days? That long here, but not even a day there.

"Sorry."

"Dean? What's on your mind, tell us."

"I said before it felt real, it feels, real, good, normal."

"I know you want it to be true Dean, for all of this to stop, heaven and hell and us in the middle. Dean I can see you hurting any idiot can see that, but there are monsters in the dark, there are demons out there and angels,"

Dean was watching his thumbs clap as the rest of his fingers were laced together in his lap. He was still listening but was trying his hardest to distance himself. But when he heard his brother mention angels his eyes shot up and his body jerked remembering the look Cas carried on his face before disappearing, angels he believed in, his angel he believed in, Sam continued his heart felt speech to a bitter end.

"is real Dean, this is our fucked up screwed to hell family but we are still a family. Don't you think its all to good to be true there?"

"Too good to be true? I'm in the fucking nut house there Sammy, mums still dead dad killed her! and now he's serving life for sadistic murders throughout out the whole country! Yeah life is peachy!"

Sam and Bobby looked at each other very worried that dean has started holding his head again, but the didn't seem like he was going anywhere as he wasn't screaming in gut curdling pain like before, neither of them sure what to say or do,

"You know, Sam was only trying to help, that place is in your head Dean, you believe that, don't you?"

Dean's eyes closed, he thought about Bobby's words. He knew with all the sense he could muster that he should, should know that St. Mary's is in his head. But the more he thought the more his head span, faster and faster, with every pulse he could feel his body shiver from the intensity of his thoughts.

The ground breaking decision he has to make, help fight the inevitable return to the hospital, or welcome it.

Dean hated his life and hated himself for so many years now. He carried with him so much guilt, pain and sorrow, that is weighing him down and eating away at him every second of his bleak existence; he has hardly anymore to give to actually try to live his life.

Every smile since he returned from hell was more often then not, fake. Every single one, used to hide the pain and self loathing by pushing it back down to the pit of his soul.

The one thing that actually made him feel worth anything was, the knowledge that he was always by his side, standing with him, fighting with him, believing in him. The one person that had complete faith in the empty shell of Dean Winchester.

He helped Dean start to piece back the puzzle of happiness, but that was now blown away as he left. Cas had rejected him and left.

There was always Jimmy, Jimmy wanted him, Jimmy needed him, and Jimmy loved him. Cas could never that feel towards the hunter, something Dean was all too painfully sure of. With the knowledge he could never truly have Cas, Jimmy seemed the next best thing. This was enough for Dean to want to down several pots of sleeping pills; to get back to the open arms of that beautiful caring man. But Sam had been right this place; however much it sucked and was destroying his darkened soul, was home was real, maybe.

Dean made a decision; one thing could perhaps hold the answer, liquor.

Dean stood from the table, where Sam and Bobby had been staring at him. He left the two men with tears on their eyes at Dean's lack of response. He went to the cabinet and pulled out a bottle of whiskey and before Sam could protest he took a swig, drank it like apple juice, gulping and slurping. He continued drinking until Sam wretched the bottle from his eager lips.

"Dean, snap out of it! Think clearly."

This received a knock out punch from the already tipsy Dean before he stumbled over his bleeding brother and left the house, whiskey in one hand car keys in another.

"Dean, DEAN!"

It was no use Bobby screamed for him but could hardly wheel after him with Sam lying in the door way. After quickly shaking of the shook Sam ran after his brother. When he reached Bobby's beaten old door, he got there just in time to see the impala screeching of into the distance, until all Sam could see was the tails lights. Despite this, Sam yelled and yelled after his brother again and again, until Bobby reached out and by touching his arm pulled him back to his senses

"He's gone Sam."

Sam immediately pulled out his mobile and dialled for Cas, feeling sick from worry to the pit of his stomach. Dean was in just the right frame of mind to go and do something incredibly stupid, even for Dean. Sam couldn't reach him and knew Cas had a better chance than anyone to get through to Dean.


	7. Chapter 7

**So chapter 7, sorry it took so long xxx**

**i hope you enjoy it and stay tuned for the next chapter! XD**

**I would like to apologise in advance for any grammar of spelling mistakes ^_^**

* * *

"Cas hey its Sam, Dean's in trouble"

That is all it took for the sound of wings to announce Cas' instant arrival in Bobby's door way. They put there phones away and Sam went over to Cas,

"You have to find Dean, he just drove of, drunk. He's going to do something stupid"

Cas now had panic all over his face, after a nod he zapped himself away, he was unable to locate dean, but he could sense him, after flying for around 2 minutes he spotted the familiar classic black car speeding along an old dirt road.

-X-

At least dean was right about one thing it did only take a blink for Cas to reappear, but it was so unexpected and sudden, Dean swerved of the road and narrowly missed a tree at the sight of Cas sitting beside him.

"What the fuck Cas!"

"Dean slow down"

"What?"

"Dean. Please."

"Well you see this could all just be in my head, and I can't die in my own head, if I die hear I wake up. That's one way to fine out which world is fucking real!"

Dean let out a desperate laugh, he glanced over to Cas, he was holding the dash board and looking at little scared.

"This world is real dean, I assure you."

"Or it's all in my fucking mind!"

"Dean please stop, you'll hurt yourself."

"Relax Cas."

Dean laughed as he swerved the impala on and off the road, before taking another swig of his whiskey, he gave the bottle to Cas intending for the angel to drink and they could get drunk together, obviously the alcohol has seriously dulled his senses as when Cas had the bottle in his grip he threw it out the window, much to Dean's disappointment and anger.

"What the fuck! You owe me another bottle."

Dean was looking more at Cas then the actual road. Dean took note of how Cas' jaw was tense and eyebrows burrowed firmly together frowning, although Cas was being deadly serious Dean's lips couldn't help but curve into a small smile, even when he was angry and frustrated the angel still looked cute.

"Dean, stop the car."

Cas' voice was suddenly very soft and gentle, his words flowed in a rhythmic sea of song, dean could lose himself completely just listening to the heavenly way Cas spoke.

Dean watched as Cas' eyes were filled with fear for dean, wanting him safe and happy. Dean could feel his foot move pedal and they were slowing. Dean's eyes were locked to Cas'.

"Anything for you baby."

"Dean?"

Cas was confused and slightly embarrassed and Dean went red as he shook it of, it had to be said. Cas had to understand the reasons behind everything;

"Cas, I..."

"Dean!"

Cas shouted he sound sounded very panicked and he pointed ahead, the impala was heading straight for a tree, without thinking Cas zapped them out of the car. And dean had to watch his beloved impala crash into the old oak. Fortunately it would only take around 6 hours work to fix it as Dean was slowing down. But still Tears filled his eyes at the sight of his baby in such a state. Dean wanted hit Cas, but he knew even in his drunken state that if it weren't for Cas something even worse would have happened.

-X-

Unfortunately liquor does not mix well with angel mojo, so Dean's ability to speak went as a lump in his throat got bigger he broke out in a cold sweat and his head buzzed, then he was sick in front of Cas. As Dean was bent over spitting the rest of his vomit out, Cas reached up and stroked Dean's back, making Dean close his eyes soaking in the feel of Cas' touch.

"Come on; I'll take you back to Bobby's."

"No, I'm not going through this again!"

"Well you're not driving."

"I'll stay here then."

Cas nodded unsure of what he was supposed to do.

"Stay with me?"

They silently got in the back seat, Dean on the left and Cas on the right. There was a gap between them, Dean didn't like it but Cas seemed to think it appropriate.

"I'm sorry about, you know kissing you, won't happen again. I didn't even want to do it"

Cas wasn't the best at human emotions or reading situations. But he had became an expert at reading Dean. He wasn't the best liar, well not to Cas, and when he was drunk he was useless at it. Cas thought about Dean's advances and he went red, he secretly loved the idea but knew it wasn't right.

"I will always be here, but you have it stay here too."

Dean nodded he new that he had no choice; Cas needed him that he was sure. He wasn't going to just leave his angel.

"I'll have to tell Jimmy, he going to be heart broken."

Dean tried to joke but ended up, very red as he stopped himself from his over sharing, unfortunately Cas could guess;

"You're lovers?"

"What Cas? No! Is this my fantasy or yours?"

"Well it explains why you kissed me when you woke up."

There was silence between them, for some reason dean became erratic and defensive, probably down to the alcohol, even though his action just spelt, Dean Winchester; emotion dodger.

"Dean."

Cas spoke gently and placed a hand of the tense hunter's knee

"Don't, you said stop Cas, you said stop"

Dean was angry, he was confused and frustrated but mostly he just wanted to kiss Cas and get it over with.

"I know what you want Dean, I can feel it too, but that can never be we can never have that closeness."

"Why? Tell me the truth."

Cas didn't answer he simply lift his hand to Dean's face and stroked a tear from his cheek before leaning in to place a soft kiss on Dean's forehead.

"It wouldn't be right Dean; I am not going to take advantage."

Dean smiled god that angel was cute. Dean lent into his touch and kissed Cas' soft palm. Making Cas close his eyes to keep strength enough to remain seated and not pounce. It was a very tender sweet moment that they suddenly found themselves in.

"Stay with me"

Dean repeated this time in a whispered as he begged and sounded so desperate. His voice was so meek and vulnerable Cas pulled him in for a hug. Dean laid in the angels arms. He placed a hand around Cas' waist and even one leg was draped over one of Cas'. It was very intimate and the whole concept of personal space was lost, something that both hunter and angel were pleased with.

"I want this to be real."

"It is…" Cas answered and moved Dean's hand over his vessels racing heart "everything is."

-X-

"Cas!"

Dean spoke loudly and sounding worried as his voice crackled with pain.

"My head, it hurts, I came feel it coming"

"Fight it Dean stay with me"

"AAAAAAAAHHH!"

"DEAN!"

"Hold me, hold me through it Cas."

Cas did so and Dean whimpered in pain with tears steaming down his face. Cas kissed his forehead as he breathed deep; with each exhale small amount of light came out his mouth and bathed Dean in a shimmering glow.

Dean glance his skin it shimmered and glistened and his head ached decreased to that of a major migraine, it still hurt like a bitch but it wasn't near enough killing him.

"Relax Dean its just temporary it will help."

"Cas what is that?"

"Grace."

"You would do that for me?"

"Dean I would do anything for you."

"Cas I can't fight it, I wish I could. I just want to stay here."

"It's okay, go, but you better come back to me Winchester."

Cas then moved his head down to Dean's ear and prayed soothing words in enochian to Dean as he winced and whimpered from pain. The muscles in his body relaxed as he was in the state between asleep and awake. Cas held Dean in his arms as he felt Dean leave, he felt Dean's mind lesson and body became limp.

Cas got out the phone to called Sam and let him know what happened. Cas was full of guilt as he dialled, he felt ashamed he couldn't stop Dean crashing, couldn't stop him from leaving. Cas was powerless to stop any of this; it was up the Dean now.

* * *

**Thank you for reading**

**Please review and tell me what you think**

**xxxx **


	8. Chapter 8

Dean shot up, tears fresh warm against his face and body soaked with a cold sweat, he was back on that old creaky metal bed. Though he was happy to see that restraints weren't used this time, he was sadden to see that he was back in the place where they were used.

Dean sighed a heavy painful sigh, he sighed out all the physical pain he had been feeling, that had gone to ridicules heights in the last few days, is brain felt like it was close to boiling point. He sighed all the emotional pain of finally realising his feelings only to be ripped from the angel that stirred such emotions who near enough confessed the same emotions stirred inside him. Dean sighed; anger, confusion, frustration and pain, as he wiped the tears from his stained cheeks. This was getting ridicules and he was so sick of this whole world jumping thing plus by his point of view he hasn't slept in god knows how long.

The door then opened slowly and Jimmy walked in. Dean was still not thinking straight; saw those eyes, that mouth, that body and acted on impulse he strolled over to Jimmy and throw his arms around him holding him tight. He breathed in to smell the heavenly smell of old spice only to get his nostrils attacked by the sent of vanilla, this was not Castiel. And Dean released the man from his monster grip.

"Hello Dean."

"Hey."

Running one hand up Jimmy's face whilst examining his features carefully and slowly. His slender neck, ruff jaw line, messy hair and dry lips, everything was identical to his angel. The tender moment seemed to last forever.

"You know it's amazing…"

Dean softly told Jimmy as he cupped his cheek.

"…how much you look like him."

"Of course I do Dean, you created him from me. Who else is he going to look like?"

Jimmy stroked his lovers face as there foreheads rested on each others. Dean ran this through his mind.

"What if, what if it's the other way around? I have feelings for this angel but know I couldn't have him, so in my dream world I create you, someone I can be with."

Dean moved away from Jimmy and looked at him smiling at the guy in front of him. He took Jimmy's hand

"Someone I can touch, and hold and kiss."

On the word kiss he place one lightly on Jimmy's neck. Dean stopped and although he spoke the truth he hated seeing what it did to Jimmy's eyes;

"And you're perfect. Except you're not him."

"Dean you can have me, hold me, kiss me but not because you created me, but because I am here, real, living and breathing,"

Jimmy put Dean's hand over his heart so Dean could feel just how strong and fast it was beating.

"And because I love you."

As Jimmy finished speaking he closed the gap between them, he pressed his lips softly and lovingly to Dean's who's eyes were half closed when Jimmy pulled away. Dean's hand was still on Jimmy's chest as he felt Jimmy's heart, he remembered how Cas held him, he remembered the feel of Cas' heat, how it beat and how each beat sent shivers through his body, knowing it beat for him. And he said in a low husky voice;

"I love… I love Castiel. I'm sorry Jimmy but I love him."

"Dam it Dean!"

Jimmy shouted as he turned away from his almost lover covering his eyes for fear of crying.

"Castiel is not real. He was created by you, as an angel because I replaced Alistair and you really didn't like him but you did me. An angel because you're self worth is so low you made me into a some supreme being."

Jimmy turned back around and cupped Dean's face, begging him to understand and for his words to get through to the confused man before him.

"You created Castiel. By definition he is beauty, strength and purity, a creature you could never have because you don't believe you truly deserve him. Me, you think you don't deserve my love and to be loved, well you do Dean, you do."

Dean listened he listened hard, what said made sense. He closed his eyes to mull over the information. He raised his hand and stroked Jimmy's soft but ruff cheek, he knew he was ready to accept it.

He was willing to except Jimmy and he wanted him the way he wanted this world if it weren't one thing.

"But Cas loves me back."

"No. I love you back. It's the drugs Dean. Cas is being more and more responding and loving towards you because I have always been that way. You're retaining more of me when you go into your head."

Dean was silent he didn't want to fight with Jimmy. Just like he didn't want to fight with Castiel. Jimmy or Cas, doesn't matter which world he wakes up in, they are reality to him and makes him want to stay. Which ever world he wakes up in Dean fall's in love with because he is in it. Dean moved away from Jimmy, both worlds seemed real, did it really matter which one was?

"Your brothers here."

Jimmy told him voice still shaky and quiet, deans eyes instantly shot up.

"Sammy?"

"yes, he is waiting."

Then for no particular reason he suddenly moved and crashed his lips against Jimmy's for a quick passionate chaste kiss, before parting.

"Thank you"

Dean then left the room to find Sam, followed by a giddy Jimmy to show him the way. Dean was excited, like a kid on Christmas Eve, not that he ever experienced the feeling for himself. He was going to meet his alternative brother; the civilian brother, with a job, a house, a wife and even a baby on the way. Sam must be so happy, no loss, no pain, no demon hell bitch, no demon blood just a pure happy apple pie life.

Dean had so many questions about his life, a life that belonged to him, a life he doesn't remember and a life that could in fact be real.

* * *

Cas sat in the back seat of the impala, stroking Dean's hair softly as he listened to the rings waiting for Sam to answer.

"Hello Sam."

There was so much pain and sorrow in his voice Sam instantly feared the worse.

"_Is he dead?"_

"No."

"_Is he alright?"_

"No, he's. He's in his head again. I couldn't stop it. I'm sorry."

"_It's not your fault Cas."_

"Can you come and get us?"

"_Can't you just zap him back here?"_

"No. I don't want to in his condition. I don't want to cause him anymore pain or discomfort."

"_Well drive him back."_

"The car is not driveable; Dean crashed it into a tree. So you will need to bring a tow truck."

"_Crashed! Is he okay?"_

"Yes I got him out in time."

"_Thank you Cas. Now tell me where you are, I'm coming to get you."_

Once back at bobby's Cas carefully placed Dean into bed. He softly removed Dean's boots and slid his body under the sheets all the while being gentle and tender. Then Cas rejoined Bobby and Sam downstairs.

He didn't have the energy to fly so he walked, it was slow even though it took less then 2 minutes it was 2 minutes longer then It would have taken, so that gave Cas two minutes to think. By the time he walked into the library Cas had a tear stained cheek that was only visible in the light, It was obvious the tear had been wiped before entering and neither Bobby or Sam intended to bring it up, they hadn't the heart. Cas seemed so…human, in his pain.

"What can I do?"

Cas asked desperate to help Dean and be kept busy, Cas didn't think he could handle another two minutes to himself to think. Sam handed Cas a book, and the three of them settled down for more reading.

"What if he doesn't wake up?"

Sam asked the question that was on all their minds but everyone else managed to repress it. At the sound of this question being vocalised Cas put the book, he wasn't really reading probably and left the room, he couldn't listen to it. Bobby looked at Sam.

"You idjit, why would you even say that?"

"I'm sorry, but what if he doesn't?"

"He will."

"How do you know?"

Sam asked he was desperate for Bobby to answer him and reassure him his brother will be okay, it didn't come. Bobby wished he could say with absolute certainty Dean would be okay but he couldn't, so instead he divined back into his book.

Another 5 minutes went by and Bobby peered over the top of his book and saw Sam looking at the floor, one leg moved up and down not being able to stay still. His breathing was silent but heavy; bobby felt his heart drop and stomach knot at the sight of Sam desperately fighting away the tears. Bobby wheeled over to the boy so he was sitting beside him and put his hand on Sam's shoulder. At his touch Sam looked instantly at Bobby, eyes red and his bottom lip quivering.

"Its okay boy, let it out."

With that Sam threw his arms tightly around Bobby and exploded with tears, he didn't think they would ever stop.

"I want my big brother back!"

Sam wined out in-between gasps for breath.

"I know, I know."

Bobby spoke softly, it was a sensitive side to Bobby that he didn't let show much, but it was there and Sam needed it. Sam needed someone strong to tell him it was all going to be alright. Without Dean, Sam was lost; it had always been that way since forever. Even at Stanford when he had a hard day he just wanted to call Dean. Dean could make him feel better with just one look, not that he very told him so. There is nothing like an older brother.

After all they have been through Sam couldn't deal with the idea of loosing Dean. But not even in battle or some heroic rescue, but have him slip away into his mind before Sam's eyes, he could let Dean just fade away, but there was nothing he could do. That was what hurt the most, the feeling of helplessness there was nothing he could do. These books were getting them nowhere and he and Bobby knew it. Sam clung to Bobby scarred of him letting go, a tear fell down Bobby ruff exterior.

The idea of Dean upstairs was more painful than anything he could remember, but the sound of Sam cries, the sound of Sam being so vulnerable and lost, simply broke Bobby's heart. He took hold of Sam's shoulders and looked him dead in the eye.

"Look hear boy, Dean will be okay you understand, I promise that Dean will be okay. I am going to help him."

Okay so Bobby had no idea how to help Dean, and Sam new he didn't. But he also knew Bobby would do anything to keep them safe and to keep his word. When the tears streaming down Sam's face lessened and he could string a sentence together. Bobby let him go.

"Now go get us some beers."

Sam nodded and got up to go into the kitchen, when he stopped and turned to back to the elder man.

"Erm Bobby?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't, don't tell Dean?"

"You got it."

They shared a half hearted smile before Sam went to get them beer and Bobby tried to compose himself for when Sam came back in. It was going to be a long night.


	9. Chapter 9

**So sorry about taking so long to update xxx**

**hope you enjoy the chapter, Dean meets his civilian brother and finds a few more things out about his past XD**

* * *

Jimmy soon caught up to the speeding Dean that had no idea where he was going though wouldn't admit it. Jimmy guided him down a corridor up a flight of stairs and to a do or that had B5 above small square window. Their journey to this door was silent. It was far from awkward, Dean and Jimmy shared glances and smiles it was every comforting, they seemed to be flirting something very human, that Dean has no doubt Castiel would probably turn his nose up at.

"You ready?"

Jimmy asked Dean, who until this moment he was; suddenly his stomach became infested with 1000's of butterflies and a lump formed in his throat making it impossible to answer. So he jerkily nodded and smiled weakly and falsly, Jimmy reading Dean too well, cupped deans cheeks and the touch brought him back to earth, as he listened to Jimmy's soft lullaby voice with complete trust.

"It's okay, trust me. He'll be happy to see you."

They smiled at each other before Jimmy moved away and opened the door, slowly Dean stood at the entrance. A man in a black suit sat on a plastic chair, tapping the white table with his fingers. He was looking down and did not notice Dean in the door way.

"Hey Sammy."

Dean said in a rough gravely tone through a relieved and loving crocked half smile. Sam's eyes instantly shot up, his eyes lighten and darted up to grabbed his brother in for a hug.

"Dean." He whispered thanking god, he was him and not half him half god damn demon hunter. At least that's what Sam gathered, as by now he was usually telling Sam about an escape plan or something. Sam pulled away and looked at his brother, smiled and slapped him on the arm before taking his seat. "You look tired Dean."

"Thanks Sammy."

"Are you getting enough sleep?"

"I don't know."

"What?"

"When I sleep here I wake up there, so I don't know if I've sleep at all lately."

"You're still going to that place then."

Dean nodded he noticed some hostility in Sam's voice and didn't want to pissed him off when he just met him.

"Erm, how's Jessica?"

"She's good yeah."

"Will I get to see her?"

"No."

"Why?"

"She doesn't come anymore, not while she's pregnant anyway, sometimes you would have a bad day and go for her, called her a zombie or ghost even a demon. It was scary for her but she sends are best."

"Oh god I'm so sorry Sammy."

"It's okay I know you can't help it."

"That's no excuse I shouldn't…"

"Dean, its okay, she understands. Jimmy tells me your on new medication, is it working?"

"I'm being tossed from place to place like a yo-yo but head is splitting in half so yeah."

"Sorry."

There was silence between them, it was strange Dean couldn't think of anything to say, usually at this point of the convocation he would call Sam a bitch and the mood would be lighten, but this wasn't Dean's Sammy, this was Sam big time lawyer and family man Sam.

"Sammy?"

"Yeah"

"Was there, as there a fire in your nursery…"

"When I was 6 months old, the night mum died? Yes, dad started it to cover up what he did." There was silence again "by the way, Sammy is a chubby 12 year old, it's Sam."

Dean chuckled, okay so this was part Sammy. Jimmy came in and leaned against the wall, arms crossed with a small hidden smile blessing his face. Dean watched him come in scanning his body, watching the way he moved. Sam looked over to the man and back to Dean.

"How's it going with you two?"

"What?"

Deans eyes widened and his arms and leg tensed, he even began sweating.

"It's okay Dean."

"no its not, nothings…well…I'm not really caught up, but I…"

"Dean, I know. Jimmy was the only one that could calm you down when you had a turn. You two connected."

"Really?"

Sam nodded and Dean smiled to himself, before glancing over a Jimmy, their gaze locked and Dean's lips began buzzing remembering their kiss and desperately wanted more.

Suddenly everything hit him, after all this time it hadn't really hit him before, one world was fake, not real, fabricated. Dean knew he couldn't physically take much more and he couldn't admit his feelings properly to one world in case it wasn't real. And what if he gets stuck in the fake world, what would happen to him? Now Dean was freaking out and he needed to know more about the world he was in now.

"Sammy can you answer some questions about the past? My past."

"Okay."

"Why am I in here and you're not?"

Sam was embarrassed and his eyes screamed guilt and shrugged shyly.

"You were admitted when you were 21 after your first solo kill, but you couldn't do it dad told you it was a werewolf but it wasn't, just as you were about to kill him you saw past the illusion dad created and saw the man instead. I saw, I saw dad make you watch while he finished the job, I knew then it was wrong I got out of it, call the police and made my peace with god."

"Wow, you ratted on dad?"

"Dean he's a murderer…"

"No I know, it just sounds like you."

"what is that supposed to mean?"

"nothing bitch."

"what? Why would you call me a bitch I'm just trying to help…"

"Sam." Jimmy stepped in "in Dean's reality you call each other names like that as a sign of affection."

"Not really affection Cas, more when he's annoying the hell out of me." Dean froze at the hearing himself speak, Sam went red and really felt for the guy, Jimmy felt deflated and sad, simply sad that he was still being compared to an angel, though Dean hadn;t meant to, it seemed to make it worse. "Shit sorry Jimmy, slip of the tongue."

"It's okay Dean." Jimmy then looked at his watch "I have another patient waiting so I'll see you later, bye Sam."

With that Jimmy left the room, Dean watched him leave feeling like shit that he hurt Jimmy, again. "What?" he asked Sam when he looked back to see Sam doing a bitch face, yes he was rather like his Sammy.

"Nothing."

"Sammy."

"He knows that you don't know. You are his only patient."

"What?"

Dean got up to leave but Sam grabbed his wrist urging him to sit back down,

"Please Dean, lets talk I only see you once a week and never like this, it's like I have my big brother back."

"Sam you'll always have me."

The brothers smiled at each other, which caused Dean to clear his throat not wanting anything to sappy to evolve.

"So how's married life treating you?"

"Good, really good in fact. Can't wait to be a dad."

"I'll bet you'll be great at it."

"Well I just have to do the opposite then dad and I should be alright."

"Sam, dad loved us, he did then best he could after that d…" dean had to defend his father so many times to Sammy the argument seemed routine but he stopped himself and remembered the ugly truth. "yeah I see your point. Do you ever, visit him?"

"No." Dean nodded at this answer he hadn't really expected anything different. "before you asked I don't visit Bobby either."

Dean was attacked back by this visit Bobby? Where was he?

"Well at least he'll be happy he got a look in, I swear the guy was disappointed he wasn't part of this world."

"what? Dean don't joke about that son of a bitch."

"Sam, Bobby is like a father to us."

"No, he helped destroy our dad."

"He looked after us Sammy!"

"Yeah when he knew full well what dad was doing, did he stop him? No. He helped train him made him good a butchering people and even helped train us!"

Dean was silent he couldn't speak not at all. Bobby was one of the good guys, Bobby was like a father to him.

"No Sammy, that's not…"

"Dean please! Do not mention that basted's name to me."

"Okay Sammy okay." A very confused Dean reassured his baby brother that was visibly upset and effected to even talk about Bobby. Sam blamed a lot of what happened to his father on Bobby he had the chance to stop it but no he help john, even helped brain wash his children in believing in the supernatural. "Sammy I'm sorry I won't, I wont talk about that stupid son of a bitch again."

This made Sam lips curve and his body relax slightly, though Dean did felt guilty saying that about Bobby. As he has no recollection of this 'evil' bobby just the old hunter in a wheel chair that has saved his neck more times that he can care to count, but it seemed worth it to see his brother smile again.

"Dean? What am I like in your reality?"

"You've never asked me that before?"

"No usually you are telling about the demon you killed, or crying about hell, or trying to convince me to help you escape,"

"Really?"

"But mostly you tell me about the angels."

"I'm really that out of it, huh."

"Not this time Dean, what ever drugs you are taking, don't stop. It's helping you Dean."

"Thanks bro. well anyway you erm…" Dean didn't want to tell his baby brother about the whole physic thing or demon blood addiction and especially not about starting the apocalypse. So thought back to a simpler time and he could help the smile that appeared on his face when he thought about the pranks they used to play on each other. "You're awesome dude, you could kick anyone's butt, accept mine. One of the best hunters out there, accept me."

Sam laughed with his brother and they shared an incredible brother bonding moment with no shouting, no demons, no ghosts, no devil, no ill will for each other and no secrets. Dean missed this he really missed having a brother.

"I missed you baby brother."

"what do you mean, im with you in your reality."

"not like this."

Sam smiled at dean in a confused but thankful way and was about to ask a question when an orderly came in to take Dean away for his med's. The orderly however looked Azazel and Dean instantly leapt from his chair and stood in front of his very civilian brother. Sam stood too and put a hand on his fired up brother's tense shoulder.

"Dean it's time for your meds."

"Get out you son of a bitch."

"Dean." A very worried Sam whispered squeezing his brothers shoulder

"No Sammy! That's the demon that ruined our lives!"

"Dad ruined our lives!"

Dean shook his head and step towards the orderly looked in his eyes whilst Sam trying to pull him away. "come on Dean, there's no such thing as demons, trust me please Dean." Dean stepped back making Sam sigh with relief only for a second as Dean swung and the poor orderly, was floored with one hard punch to the face.

"Help, some body help!"

Sam called and within seconds the room was filled with men in white clothes pulling Dean of the unconscious man and taking the screaming hunter out the room.

"Don't listen to him Sammy! He's the one that infected you that turned you, he started all of this!"

Dean shouted back to his brother, though he instantly regretting letting that information slip, he didn't have chance to apologise as he was dragged back to his room and strapped to the bed.

* * *

All but two orderly's left after this and watched as dean struggled and pulled at the restraints. Dr. Weston came in a few moments later, he came and sat on the chair next to Dean's bed.

"Dean, im disappointed at you. We were making stready progress. I thought you were living more in this world. But it seemed the orderly you punched was a trigger and now…"

"Fuck you gab, I want my brother, I want my angel and I want my world!"

"No."

"What?"

"I said no, I'm going to try and keep you awake through this one, maybe it can break the routine your mind has gotten into."

"You're such a ass hole!"

"I know, I know. Now just relax and I'll come back and realise your straps in a few hours when you're calmed down."

With that the doctor left, as the door shut and dean remained in the room he screamed and shouted again and again, none stop for half an hour, only stopping because his throat hurt so bad and realise he was strapped to a bed and had no access to water or booze to wet his whistle, so dean fell silence.

Dean closed his eyes and pictured Bobby's place his library, kitchen, living room every little detail, he pictured Cas' face, Sam's and Bobby's.

"Come on, come on, come on,"

He whispered again and again to himself, this hardly seemed fair to dean he was being yanked from one reality to another against his will, but when he wanted to be, nothing. Dean even started cheesily repeating;

"There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no fucking place like god damn home."

When nothing happened, not that he help much hope for that, Dean let out one more scream, it was anger desperation confusion and sadness he screamed with. Then he became silent again, nothing but the sound of his heavy breathing filling the otherwise the empty room.

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**Next chapter up shortly- i've nearly finished writting it ^_^**

**please, please, please review! XD xxxxx **


	10. Chapter 10

**Dean is still at the hospital but what about the three men he left behind in the supernatural word, how will they cope? and can they find a way of saving Dean? stretched across two chapters. ^_^**

**hope you enjoy, please review xxxxx**

* * *

It had been six days since Dean went back into his head in the arms of his angel in the back of his beloved car. Apart from the occasionally twitch or moan he lay deadly still in one of Bobby's spare rooms. Cas stayed by his side the entire time, sometimes perching on the bed, others he stroked Dean's hair sitting very close nearly on top of him, though he thinks no one knows once he even laid down next to Dean, and held the sleeping beauty in his arms all night, but for most of the time he stood in the corner eyes fixed on Dean's breathing, making sure it stayed even and constant.

Every now and again he would whisper enochian prayers into Dean's ear, praying that they would keep him safe. He also, which put both Sam and Bobby in a deeply set state of shock, continued to shimmer Dean in essence of his grace, soothing him and making him more comfortable, despite this sacrifice of Cas' he still felt useless, he still couldn't save Dean or even reach him.

Every few days or so Cas would come down stairs and fine the two hunters as always knee high in books, information and beer bottles, beer bottles more then anything the past few days. They found a spell a few days ago though it ended in them not knowing exactly what is at the bottom of this, the spell let them cross demon of the list. Cas was also certain the angels were not behind this either, although he was cut of from heaven, if he concentrated he could still hear them and no one new anything, at least no one was talking about it besides they needed Dean conscious for their plan.

Since watching over Dean, Cas has near enough forgotten he could fly, either that or he just didn't have the energy or at least that was what he told the hunters downstairs. He walked, it was strange but he was getting accustomed to it. Cas made his way to the library and found Sam asleep head resting on the page he was last reading.

Cas would have woken him up told him to keep working, but he knew humans had a habit of needing sleep and in all fairness to Sam, he has been working non stop for three days, so instead Cas made his way into the library and quietly closed the window behind Sam, knowing that a cold draft blowing in isn't favourable when a human is trying to relax and dream.

Cas looked around Bobby wasn't in the library, strange Bobby was always in the library, then he heard whistling and sizzling from the kitchen, Bobby was cooking he seemed to be enjoying it. Cas moved to his desk and peered at what was open at it. It was a magazine with an article on coma patients Cas sat down to read just as the smell of bacon was stirring Sam awake, he sat up and nodded to Cas who was now engrossed in the story and then left joining Bobby in the kitchen.

The article was about some women who fell from a window hit her head then went into a hallucinogenic coma and came out of the coma 7 months later, she told her family 'for much of the time I was unaware I was in my subconscious as every thing felt real' it seems similar to Dean. The last line stuck in his mind the most, 'she had chosen to wake up'. Maybe Dean just had to want to be here. But then he felt stupid as he remembered the heart breaking time when Dean held onto him and begged for help because he didn't want to go back, just the memory of this made his stomach knot. So Cas removed himself from the library then Sam saw Cas appear,

"Hey Cas, you want some." Cas simply looked at Sam and then to the pile of greasy food on his plate and he pulled a disgusted face at the young hunter and then left went upstairs to continued watching over Dean.

Cas seemed so like a human in his sadness and determination to help the one he…he, the one he was close too? Sam didn't really know and didn't want to ask in case it was some freaky angel thing or something. But Sam lapsed in the whole angels don't eat or sleep deal, since he came in to see Cas laying eyes closed on the bed holding Dean and... what seemed to be snuggling with him, yeah that is now imbedded on his brain. But Sam was almost certain Cas was sleeping or at least trying too.

Recently It seems that Sam was now eating for Dean, throwing health out the window and indulging in grease covered processed foods every day, it wasn't half bad either. Bobby remained unchanged by the events although it was obvious he cared for the boys, he didn't suddenly go all sappy or mopey because how would that help Dean. Right now Dean needed his family of hunters to sort this out, not a family of idjits crying into their cereal cursing the world for being a bitch, but doing nothing about it.

* * *

Cas reach the room Dean had been residing in for nearly a week. He stopped when he got to the door he closed to give Dean some privacy. Shielding Dean in his grace has left him weakened, making him more human than he has ever been. Once Dean is better he will stop and in time will regain what has been lost in the process, but until then Cas will gladly continue, even if it means Cas is running on empty and is out of angel juice, if it means Dean's safety he will do it. Though he's not even certain it is helping him where ever he is, but there's a possibility it is and that possibility is more than enough of a reason.

Cas raised his hand and rested it on the door feeling the wood under his finger tips, Cas tried to steady his breathing. Since he's become more human his eyes kept watering when he let his guard down slightly, this was what Cas hated most about his situation. The constant pain in his gut that seems to suck any good thoughts or energy out of him, how it got 100 times worse when he looked at Dean helpless and lifeless, but wanting nothing more then to be with Dean and watch over him despite the pain, Cas didn't understand it and did not like it.

Slowly Cas pushed open the door and stared at Dean's unmoved body, laying right where Cas had left it. The angel's heart dropped and he closed his eyes tight to stop those god damn tears coming again. Cas made his way slowly to Dean's side, sitting on the bed he gently held Dean's clammy hand.

"You can't stay in there forever Winchester."

Cas said whilst running a hand through Dean's hair, the angel was trying to joke and lighten the mood in the room that only Cas created so the attempt seemed useless. But it did comfort Cas slightly; talking to Dean he hoped Dean knew and could hear him. Though it seemed unlikely Cas still hoped.

"Please Dean, I don't know how much more I can take, how much anyone can take. Sam has red eyes most the time; I have gathered that comes with crying. He misses you Dean, I think it's slowly killing him watching his big brother fade away. Bobby seems more distant then normal, you told me once he killed his possessed wife, I guess he thinking about that, you're like a son to that man Dean. Come back to me Dean. I think their loosing hope."

A tear fell before Cas could try and stop it, he slowly lent to Dean and rested his forehead against the dreaming hunter's, Cas tearfully breathed out some more shimmering light and it rested on Dean's face, making him glitter slightly before it seeped into his skin. Then the angel placed a soft kiss on Dean's forehead, there was a creak at the door and Cas swung around, it was Sam he had one tear in his eye another slowly rolling down his cheek.

Sam came up to cheek on the two of them but ended up watching Cas how he treated Dean how he spoke and how he shared his most personal and treasured part of himself, his grace, with the person that he treasured the most.

Sam felt guilty for spying on the hurting angel so tried to open his mouth to talk, but Cas waved his hand to shut the door. The door however merely shook slightly, Sam's eyebrows lowered and he frowned at the door, Cas tried again and again, nothing. Sam opened his mouth again this time to question this, but before he could Cas resorted to standing and closing the door in Sam's face like a human.

Cas lent against the door and slid down and ended up sitting back up against the old wooden door holding his knees to his chest, Cas hadn't realised just how much shielding Dean had taken out of him. He put his head on his knees and silently sobbed, another way he could tell he was now more human than angel, crying has become a very regular event, it is very hard to make angels cry, it wasn't necessary for angels to cry to show their feelings, mostly because they didn't really have any, even when Cas experienced emotions tears never really came into the equation. But now, now its hard to stop them cascading down his face.

* * *

Sam stood at the other side of the door; he didn't want to open it but could hear soft muffled sobs coming from the room. Sam didn't believe it was the angel but it certainly wasn't Dean. Something was happening to Cas and it scared Sam, Cas was always strong and steady. Sam turned and made his way down stairs he had things to discuss with Bobby.

"Bobby?"

"What is it boy." The old hunter asked as he switched off the TV, having a well deserved break and looked at Sam's worried screwed up face.

"Have you noticed anything about Cas recently?"

"Like what?"

"Like how he walks now, he doesn't seem to fly…"

"Yeah, because he doesn't have the energy."

"What about the tears."

"This is a stressful time son, especially for Castiel. I mean it is Dean."

"Okay what about him not being able to mind mojo the door shut upstairs?"

"what?"

"he had to get up and do it, like a…"

"human. I didn't want to mention this Sam, but a few nights ago I heard a noise came into the kitchen and it was Cas…eating, he didn't notice me so I left."

"and a saw him sleeping, you think?"

"well he didn't fall."

"didn't he?"

Both men were worried as hell, so decided when they made dinner to give Cas some too as it seems he now has an apatite. They called Cas downstairs as the food was placed on the table.

"yes?" Cas asked who looked around at the steaming food on the table.

"you want some?" Sam asked joining Bobby at the table and starting to dig into his food. Cas wanted to go off on a rant about how angels do not need to eat, but he new it didn't apply to him any more, so he gaped at the well cooked meats and longed to eat.

"what is it with you and offering me food today Sam?"

"just get your butt in here and eat something you idjit."

Cas did what Bobby said, partly though respect this was after all his house and they had even set him a place at the table and partly because of his need to eat, its been days since he sneaked into the fridge to satisfy his growing hunger. Cas sat slowly and eyed the food on his plate, before looking at the two hunters already eating, Cas followed suit and picked up the cutlery and began eating. near the end of the meal sam turned to Cas "Cas, why are you hungry?" he asked slowly not really sure of how to ask. "and why are you suddenly sleeping?"

At the last part Cas froze, food hovering on his fork a few inches from his slightly parted mouth, he flushed red slightly, he didn't know anyone saw him sleep and the one time he had he was holding Dean, not something he didn't want everyone to witness.

"it's okay, were not mad but you seem more…" Sam was struggling to find the words so Bobby decided to put it blankly.

"you seem human, did you fall?"

At even the suggestion of this Cas put his cutlery down and glared at the man.

"no."

"well something has happened."

Cas could not argue this point so sat there, for some reason he felt slightly ashamed of what he did and what it was doing to him.

"I'm drained."

"huh?"

"Me shielding Dean in my grace is draining my angel mojo you might say, for now I'm more human than angel."

The two stunned men stared at the now silent angel. Cas got up looked over at Bobby "Thank you for the food. Excuse me." Cas then went up stairs again to be with Dean. Sam and Bobby stared at each other they had not expected that response, they didn't even think that that kind of sacrifice would be on the table for Cas, but then again this was Dean.

After dinner Sam and Bobby retired to the library to once again bury themselves in books, books that don't seem to hold the key for saving Dean.


	11. Chapter 11

**Sorry it's been forever, but i have just started uni; FRESHERS! XD so i am behind in all my stories but hopefully i will get better at updating soon **

**please review, the next chapter will be up very shortly-promise xxxx**

* * *

It had now been two weeks since Dean had fallen unconscious and every one was feeling the strain. Anyone's mood could change instantly and dramatically from one word or one look out of place, especially Cas, he was feeling everything for the first time. He could feel as an angel but it was like feeling pain when your on medication, its only when you come off does the true pain hit you, and by god it hit Cas hard.

He hated the fact his body made him do things, being forced into sleep every other night, though the dreams were rather new and exciting he usually saw Dean and he was okay that was very comforting, but then when he would wake up with Dean in his arms his charge looked like he was sleeping too, when Cas remembered he would usually cry, but not much he has gotten surprisingly good at pushing the tears away. His stomach forced him to eat something every day; he hated being forced to eat and drink only to have to get rid of it later, in the form of the bathroom one of the most humiliating things that he could think of. Though Cas did enjoy the shower, he liked feeling fresh and awakened a more alert sense of himself that the cascading water seemed to give him.

Bobby's concern for Sam was growing steadily day by day, the boy was a wreck, sleeping less then Castiel and after about 4 days of eating like Dean he just stopped. Eating tiny amounts and only when forced. Due to his immune system steadying to Dean's diet Sam was now loosing an awful lot of weight. Of course when he starts to

eating normally again he'll put it all back on and more but until then his health is at risk as well as his strength, meaning a less then capable hunter. If he ate a full meal like yesterday he would, like yesterday just throw it all back up again. Stress was having a huge impact on Sam, loosing Dean was just not an option, if they lost Dean then Sam wouldn't be far behind. Bobby new Dean dieing nearly killed Sam the first time. Not again, not ever.

Though the angels would bring him back if he died a normal death, but this wasn't, he was still technically alive but barley. Dean wasn't living Dean _was_ lost.

Sam and Bobby have ripped apart the elder hunter's house, even the scrape yard outside looking any hex bags, spells or carvings anything. Considering was the most stable thing the boys could call a home, but in both cases there was nothing. Sam and Bobby knew there was nothing else they could really do. They sat in the living room tension rising high, Sam was fidgeting he just couldn't sit still.

"Okay." Sam stated before looking once more that the old man sitting across the way from him and stood and went upstairs. Bobby couldn't follow considering his chair so had to stay at the foot of the stairs staring to the dark second floor praying Sam wasn't going to do anything stupid.

"What are you doing boy?" Bobby desperately and hopelessly called after Sam.

Sam didn't listen and kept climbing the old dusty staircase. He burst into Dean's room. He found Castiel with a sponge and a bowl of Luke warm water, he had washed Deans face and was now running the sponge over his firm muscles that ran over his chest, Cas had taken Dean's shirt off and had new clothes laid out, Sam was a little taken back by Cas playing nurse and giving his brother a sponge bath, but he just raised his eyebrows and entered the room and hovered over his peaceful looking brother, it was defiantly the lack of food but Sam could swear he saw slightly curvature in Dean's lips, looking a little like a subtle quiet smirk but Sam ignored it. Cas stopped washing Dean as Sam burst in and watched as he entered and stared down Dean.

"Sam?"

Cas questioned a little intimidated by Sam's stern look but his eyes freaked Cas out the most they were cold, angry and lifeless they didn't seem to have the spark in them like they did before.

"I want some time with my brother."

Cas didn't answer straight away but after Sam shot him a deadly glare Cas stood put the bowl on the side, Sam was his brother and had every right to spend time with Dean but Cas was hesitant to leave the two alone, there was something in Sam's voice that just didn't sound like him.

"Go."

Cas did reluctantly leave the room, planning on keeping the door open to keep an eye on things, but when Sam shut it behind him, Cas' heart started beating twice as fast and he started panicking for Dean's safety, but that's stupid this was Sam, this was Dean's Sammy. Dean was perfectly safe. Despite this Cas didn't go far, he waited outside the room straining to hear what was being said, there was silence so Cas started pacing the long narrow hall way. When Cas had gotten to the end of it he suddenly fell to his knees through the sharp pain he suddenly felt across his face then pins and needles set in and slight numbness washed over his right cheek. "What the hell?"

Cas asked himself completely confused by what was happening, then out of no where he felt a force hit him in the nose making him loose his balance and tumble to the floor. It didn't particularly hurt but there was the shock of it to deal with and the buzzing feeling around the struck area again felt strange, almost like pain absent from pain, it hurt but at the same time it didn't feel, though that sounded crazy. Cas brought his hand to his nose and felt a trickle of warm…blood, Cas was bleeding. "The fuck?" How was this possible? Cas shook his head trying to think straight, when it all came to him, like the mother ton of bloody bricks. "Son of a bitch." Cas mumbled to himself as he scrambled to his feet and ran towards Dean's room. Cas couldn't help but wonder whether Dean was rubbing of on him, the way he talked for instance has steadily gone down hill in Cas' opinion, but it almost seemed second nature to him, especially since he was now basically human for all intensive purposes. This thought of course was fleeting and disappeared entirely when he got to the door, and with out hesitation swung it open.

Sam was standing over his unconscious brother, fists tightly clenched and raised red but his knuckles were whitened due to the strength he clenched his fists with, Sam's breathing was heavy and face red, he didn't notice Cas burst in and look from Sam his brother, his right cheek bruised slightly and nose bleeding.

"come on you son of a bitch!" Sam rose his fist to punch Dean again "wake up! Come on!" tears were streaming down his face as he choked out his words. Cas darted towards Sam and stopped him from making contact to Dean's face again restraining him and bundling him out of the room, with such strength and force he didn't know he still wildered and Sam underestimated making it easer to over power the weeping and fuming baby brother to the angels charge. Sam fell to the ground as Cas pushed him out the room. The boy was on his knees and looked up at Cas, it was gut retching to see such painful desperation in some ones eyes, but there it was set deep with in his deep brown eyes. Cas wanted to help him, comfort the boy but couldn't, his face was still buzzing from the punches Dean received. He couldn't comfort the person that did that to his Dean so instead closed the door on the weeping boy without so much as a word.


	12. Chapter 12

**sorry it took forever to upload**

**hope you enjoy the chapter xxx**

**Cas is started to snap in the supernatural world and in the hospital ****Dean starts to take medication :O which world is home? **

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Cas sighed deeply once the door was shut, he didn't know what to do or think or even feel. So yes he had kept Dean safe he fulfilled his promise of protection, but what was worrying him was how he knew Dean needed him. Cas could feel Dean's his pain he could feel what he was feeling. It was a worrying thought that Dean was becoming more powerful and angelic as a result of Cas' grace essence, if he was it would be very dangerous for a human to feel such power pumping through their veins just look at Sam, but it also meant Dean was becoming stronger so Cas decided not to worry too much.

After wiping the trickle of blood from his sore nose he made his way back to the bed picked up the damp cloth and gently wiped the blood from Dean's face being careful not to course him any pain. The room was filled with the sound of trickling water as Cas squeezed the cloth into the bowl now filled with red tinted water.

"It's okay Dean. Sam didn't mean it. It won't happen again. I promise you."

Tears filled Cas' eyes and silently cascaded down his face as he choked out his quiet promise to his charge. After placing the bowl and cloth to the floor Cas softly ran both hands up Dean's bare chest feel the muscles underneath his gently touch and shaking finger tips, his breath caught in his throat as he felt deans racing heart beating pounding in his chest. Cas ran his hands up and through Deans damp hair and slowly kissed Dean on the forehead then resting his forehead against the unconscious man's before him. As Cas' forehead came into contact with Dean's a flash of white light flickered in Cas' mind and he got a glimpse of a hospital bed and his brother Gabriel standing before Dean who was strapped to a bed. The flash gave him a sharp pain shooting through his mind. Cas reached up and clenched his head "ahhhhh!" the pain got worse and Cas' stomach jolted and flipped and he got the feeling of being sucked out of the bedroom, it was a little like flying but painful, more rough and without his will. After another flash of white light Cas could see clearly, he could see Dean on the floor in the corridor, staring at him. Tears filled both their eyes as Cas' previous words echoed throughout the room like surround sound.

"_Please Dean, I don't know how much more I can take, how much anyone can take. Sam has red eyes most the time; I have gathered that comes with crying. He misses you Dean, I think it's slowly killing him watching his big brother fade away. Bobby seems more distant then normal, you told me once he killed his possessed wife, I guess he thinking about that, you're like a son to that man Dean. I think there loosing hope."_

Both Dean and Cas looked around the room for root cause for the voice. Before long Dean was standing before the angel.

"Dean."

"Cas?"

Dean lent forward to kiss the angel something Cas has been longing for but Dean feel though.

"Dean I'm somehow projected myself into your mind I can't touch you. I don't have long, I can feel the power fading."

"Cas…"

"Fight Dean, please fight it."

"Fight what?"

"This world everything, it's not real we need you back, I need you back."

"I'm coming back to you Cas, whatever you do, don't loose hope please."

Cas then flickered and disappeared leaving no trace of his presence.

Cas lunged backward and hit the bedroom floor hard, causing a loud bang. Blood was streaming from his nose and mouth; Cas found it painful to move but forced himself to stand. He dived back to Dean, touching his head again and again, longing despite the pain to go back see Dean awake again even for a split second was worth all the pain the event could throw at him.

"Come on you son of a bitch, come on!"

Sam came running into the room after hearing the crash, to find Cas bleeding in tears lying on top of Dean hugging his chest clutching his arms. Sam didn't know what to say or do. What he did know was that Cas was obviously upset. More that that the poor human looked distort.

"Cas?"

"I saw him! I reached him!" Cas wailed the sound of this brought tears to Sam's eyes, he has never seen Cas to vulnerable not ever, he was curled up to his unconscious charge completely human and broken crying endless tears, day after day.

"Cas its okay, come on you need to get out of this room."

"NO."

At the idea of being separated from Dean after just being so close brought up heated rage inside Cas stomach he could feel it bubble. When Sam moved towards him he tried to fight the hunter of but was simply too weak to stop Sam as he near enough carried him out of the room.

Cas was screaming at the younger Winchester, Sam with surprising ease considering his weaker appearance and strength carried Cas downstairs and past a gapping bobby, who was rightfully rolling in confusion. Sam went into the living room he tried to place Cas on the sofa, but due to his wriggling and squirming he was more dropped. As soon as Cas touched ground he got straight back onto his unstable wobbly feet just to pushed back down again.

"Don't touch me you hairless ape!"

Cas shouted trying and failing to desperately wrestle past Sam who stood firm.

"news flash Cas, you are a hairy apes remember you cant just keep running on empty, you need to rest to eat to have a time out."

"look how talking, when's the last time you ate Sam?"

Sam was silent he couldn't keep Cas' gaze he felt like a complete hypocrite.

"what the hell is going on?" Bobby asked obviously annoyed glaring from one man to the next. "why are you bleeding, Sam what have you done?"

Bobby asked noticing Sam grazed knuckles. Sam fidgeted remembered what he did to his helpless brother upstairs, but he could linger on the thought for long as he just remembered what Cas said upstairs.

"Cas tell Bobby what you told me."

Cas sighed and sat back down, wiped the blood from his face and began.

"I don't know how it happened but I managed to get into his head, he's okay he looked healthy and is safe."

"what?" Bobby did not understand one word "How is he safe when he is not home?"

Cas shrugged stiffly as he stared at the floor beneath his feet.

"it's okay Cas, you rest ill take care of dean."

"no you wont not after what you just did."

Sam and Cas looked gaze both staring into each others eyes, neither one about to give up.

"right you know what" bobby started as he wheeled in-between them and demanded their attention "both of you get your asses in the kitchen and eat, now."

Both men felt like naughty children, they did what bobby said and left the living room without another word.

"why am I surrounded by such idjits?" bobby asked himself while looking at the ceiling.

* * *

Dean was left for 2 hours strapped to his very, very uncomfortable bed. For much of that time he was screaming and screaming to be untied, he hated the restraints it reminded him to much of hell. Being tied down like animal waiting for the slicing to began, he could practically smell the stripped of flesh. The white door slowly opened and jimmy walked through it. The sight he was met with didn't not please him. Dean had his eyes closed shaking his head and screaming "No, No, No!" again and again. Jimmy ran to his side, patted him gently on the cheeks trying to snap the sweating man out of it. "No please stop, stop!" dean continued.

"DEAN" Jimmy shouted, he could reach him, a thought name into Jimmies mind, it was stupid and probably wouldn't work but it was worth a try. Jimmy looked at his face and brought a hand up to Dean's cheek and stroked it with his thumb before lowed his head and tightly and roughly kissed Dean, though he was still screaming through the kiss, when Jimmy began to move his lips, Dean's screams slowly turned into moans as he started to kiss back. As their lips parted both men winced at the loss of contact and warmth, as Dean open his eyes he saw the figure before him.

"Hey."

"Hello Dean."

"It's good to see you."

"You too."

"Can you let me out?"

"No."

"Why?"

"I don't have the authority to do so."

"Christ Jimmy cant you do something?" A smile formed across Jimmies face, as butterflies flapped in his stomach and his mind felt light as it soared. "what's wrong with you?"

"Nothing." Jimmy told Dean as he moved towards Dean and kissed him again as he lovingly stroked Dean's arm. As they pulled away Dean got his answer. "you just called me Jimmy."

"Yeah baby what else would I call you?"

Both men looked at each other and smiled, before another word could be spoken, the door opened and Dr. Weston walked through the door. With a nod to Jimmy and then to Dean, without a word he undone the straps and after dean sat up he handed dean a little paper cup with three pills inside.

"What's this?"

"Your medication Dean, take the pills."

Dean looked at the doctor then to Jimmy who nodded Dean peered back down to the three coloured pills, Dean slowly took them from the Dr holding them in his hands they were tempting, really they were. But won't those pills will stop him from going home?

"Dean please take the pills." Jimmy begged Dean, who looked into the eyes those beautiful god dam eyes no one could ever say no to. But what about home? But where was home?

"Home is where the heart is."

A confused Dean said before taking the pills and downing the glass of water, he hinesty didnt know why he just said that. Jimmy blushed slightly and smiled fully at Dean's words. Dr Weston's eyes narrowed as he looked from one man to the next, he was rightly suspicious but had no proof of anything that would breech the professional relationship Jimmy and Dean were suppose to share. Jimmy was a good employee so didn't want to say anything rash that could put his job in jeopardy. Even so suspicion was set deep in the well intentioned doctors mind.

"Come on Dean, Jimmy you're no longer needed today."

Dean was shocked and opened his mouth to protested but managed to stop himself in time, remembering the warning Dr. Weston gave him about Jimmy. Even though Dean did stop himself his reaction was not missed by the Dr. Jimmy nodded and with a lingering look to Dean he left the room. When Jimmy was out of sight the doctor turned to Dean.

"Right, shall we walk?"

Dean watched the doctor walk to leave the room, Dean was staring he was very confused, he walked up to the man waiting by the door and stopped in front of his face scanning over his features.

"you alright Dean?"

"you look like someone I think I used to know or…huh never mind. Where we going?"

"The rec room thought we should discuss your medication on the way."

"okay."

Dean replied before leading the way, he fancied a relaxing time maybe a game of cards. Dean thought it strange considering he had been cooped up in the hospital for years yet he still feels that it's been forever since he stopped to relax. although couldnt shake this odd feeling dean had in his gutt, there was somthign about the docotor, it was strnage like a memory from a dream or...something.

"How are you feeling Dean?"

"Good doc, Sammy coming Wednesday?" Dean asked trying to change the subject.

"yeah, Jessicas had the baby."

"oh that's great! girl or boy?"

"boy, they named him Dean." A smile appeared on Dean's face and a single tear of choked up happiness fell down his cheek. "Sam will bring photos on Wednesday."

"wow cant wait for that."

"just make sure your awake."

"well if I'm asleep just wake me up, its not hard."

"I mean your reality."

"my what?"

The doctor stopped in his tracks and watched as Dean walked, he was smiling finally the drugs were starting to work, Dean was getting better.

"AHHH!"

"Dean?"

The doctor ran to dean who was on his knees holding his right cheek,

"son of a bitch!"

Pins and needles ran through his face centring on his cheek. Dean suddenly fell to his knees from the force that hit him in the face again, now he was holding his nose. It didn't particularly hurt but there was the shock of it to deal with and the buzzing feeling around the struck area again felt strange, almost like pain absent from pain, it hurt but at the same time it didn't feel, though that sounded crazy.

"what the hell!"

Dean shouted at seeing the warm trickle of blood that ran from his nose.

"stay with me Dean."

The doctor said holding onto Dean's clothes.

"what the fuck are you on about doc, I'm not going anywhere, Jesus. What the hell was that?"

Dean scrabbled to his feet, still in a state of shock.

"Dean?" Dr. Weston asked sounding as confused as Dean felt, if not more.

"I'm good I'm good." The doctor stared at him, waiting to see if he was going back into his world but he didn't. "Dude that was fucked up, I swear I saw Sam punching me in the fucking face."

This made both men laugh as they continued walking down the corridor, when the doctor had to have a chat with a nurse about some patient, Dean waited for him to finish, suddenly out of no where Jimmy appeared in front of Dean, with a flash of light he was only a few inches away. Making Dean fall backwards, he stared at the man that seemed to be glowing. It didn't look like Jimmy, well he did exactly like him but he looked so different at the same time, though he still got those butterflies he gets with Jimmy if not more. His nose was bleeding too and he was wearing some ugly ass trench coat, but he looked so familiar like a memory long forgotten and impossible to remember like this man was an echo of a life past lived, it was so surreal. He was going to scream or at least do something, but suddenly familiar voice filled the room and he frooze, it was Jimmy. No it wasn't it was…

"Dean."

"Cas?"

It was Castiel, his angel how could he forget him, how the fuck could that happen. Cas was everything now he's here. Dean got up and lent forward to kiss the angel something Cas has been longing for but Dean feel though.

"Dean I'm somehow projected myself into your mind, I can't touch you. I don't have long, I can feel the power fading."

"Cas…"

"Fight Dean, please fight it."

"Fight what?"

"This world everything, it's not real we need you back, I need you back."

"I'm coming back to you Cas I will, whatever you do, don't loose hope please."

Cas then flickered and disappeared leaving no trace of his presence. Dean looked around the room for some sort of sign for anything that what just happened was real. He had an awful feeling he was forgetting something or somewhere.

"Dean are you alright?"

As Dean turned to look at the doctor everything came rushing back to him

"Gabriel?" Dean mumbled to himself, but remembered his theory that Gabriel wasn't behind it and he really didn't fancy being strapped to that bed again so tried to act normal.

"Excuse me Dean?"

"Nothing, I'm fine doc, come on."

Dean started to walk towards the rec room, now eyeing up everyone he passed trying to asses them and decide whether it could be them. As Dean walked into the room he went straight to the back so he could sit down and keep an eye on everyone. Dean sat and tried to rememeber where he came from, the people he left places he went things he fought, if he could remember maybe he could return, but somthing seemed to be stopping him, the memory was there but it was foggy unclear and distorted Dean started mumbling with determination.

"Cas, Sam, Bobby, Cas, Sam, Bobby, come on Dean remember their faces. remember their voices. remember home."

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**Poor confused Dean =/ please review! XD xxxxxxxxxxxxx**


	13. Chapter 13

**I am so sorry it took so long to update**

**but I have just finshed my fourth assignment and have my second exam next week so i am a little busy XD**

**newayhope you enjpy the chapter, the second part of this will hopefully be up at the weekend [finger crossed] ^_^**

**please review xxxx**

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After a dinner that Bobby thought was the most tension filled meal he had ever been apart of had finished, all three men were stuffed filled on chicken beer and deep suspicion between them aimed at each other. Sam stood and his movement instantly grabbed the direct intention of the other two men sitting silently around the small table. Without being questioned Sam felt as if he had to explain his actions to the men that were staring at him through small slits.

"I was going to check on Dean."

"No." Cas answered instantly in his gravely tone as he tried to shove as much authority into his voice as he could, which was getting increasingly harder to do as the days passed. "I don't trust you."

The boys were getting rattled again and Bobby stepped in before anymore damaged was caused, those three had to be a unit had to pull it together for Dean, if they shared nothing else it was the desire for Dean to get better.

"That's enough, there's no use turning on each other, that's why I called Susie."

"Who's Susie?"

Sam asked intriguingly but also worried for the answer Bobby will give,

"She's a…friend, owned me a favour."

"Bobby what have you done?"

Sam asked suddenly feeling a little worried. Especially as Bobby no longer could hold eye contact to either boy at his table.

"what I needed to do."

Before either Sam or Cas could say anything more their questioning confused minds were interrupted by a knock on the door. All but Bobby jumped not expecting the sudden noise and really not expecting the door to swing open and a woman to Walt's in. She was dressed smartly with her short red hair hanging by her ears in a short bob shaping her long face. Both Sam and Cas that were basically at war a moment ago but were united in standing against the intruder to fight and protect whom they love and who is vulnerable and unable to fight upstairs.

"Stand down boys."

The woman told the two men as she continued to boldly stroll into the house.

"Hello Susie."

Bobby said to the woman without looking over his shoulder and without much enthusiasm.

"Bobby." The woman responded in much the same way. "I could get fired for this." Bobby nodded in agreement but did not back down on the favour he required from Susie. She began to move towards the stairs at this Sam pulled out his gun and pointing it at Susie's head. "who do you think you are boy, John Wayne? I'm doing you a favour so put your toy away."

The women coolly replied before she looked from Sam to Cas then after glancing back to the two men behind her she went up the stairs the two men followed clutching at the equipment they carried. They were undoubtedly heading to the unconscious hunter's room. Cas and Sam continued to be set deep in confusion and looked to Bobby for help who frustratingly stayed quiet. Theystood in deafening silence and were deadly still. Eyes fixed on Bobbies stern face, who's pwn eyes were set on the floor. There was a hint of both sadness and guilt in them. Then it came, walking down the stairs, Susie. Followed once again by her foot soldiers, this time carrying a sketcher in between them carefully carrying the sleeping Winchester down the stairs. after Susie got to the bottom of the stairs she turned to the boys, patted Bobby on the shoulder and smirked and winked at the two men still on their feet and still forcing themselves to keep from shooting the bitch in the face. For the first time since Cas starting giving Dean angel juice he flew, out of sheer desperation and pain he zapped himself in front of the women blocking her exit from the house.

"No."

Cas spoke with as much authority as his feeble self could muster which when it came to dean was still rather a lot.

"Cas! Castiel, let her pass."

Bobby bellowed from the kitchen though it was clear he hated himself more than the boys hated him for saying it. Cas didn't budge and didn't break the intense stare off between the two. In the mist of this Susie's face relaxed as she smiled softy, never loosing eye contact. There was something menacing and sinister about the glint she got in her eye.

"I knew it would be you that would try and stop me."

She said as she pulled out a knife and moved to the door once opened the blood signal was revealed and Cas knew what was coming, there was no time to do anything before Susie's bloodied hand slammed against the door causing a light not as bright as usual to sweep Cas away. Susie was left standing alone with a smirk on her face when she heard the gun cock behind her head. Sam had dashed to Cas' aid gun in head and thoroughly pissed off. The women turned around to look Sam in the eye.

"you going to shoot me Sammy?" she asking taunting him with the knowledge that he couldn't shoot her, not really.

"err boss?" one of the men piped up for the first time, his Irish accent was covering in fear and shaking in confusion. Susie rolled her eyes and looked at him, her jaw hit the floor upon seeing what had rattle her employees cage. There stood two men holding an empty stretcher.

"where'd he go?" She demanded

"he went into that light just now boss."

Out of the silence came a chuckle amusement, Susie turned to glare at Sam how didn't stop.

"you really are as stupid as you look aren't you? Dean has Cas' grace, the angel is in both of them. You just sent them away together and away from you. "

"What!"

Susie screamed she obviously had no idea, she had no reason to and no reason to suspect that Cas' actions were even possible. Up to this point Bobby has been sitting silently in his chair but unable to watch the events that were unfolding under his roof, but looked up the woman as he spoke.

"I'm sorry Susie, we can try again when there back?" Bobby asked as he turned and looked at the three being for the first time since their arrival and instantly saw something that changed everything.

"No singer, I risk my neck once, I'm not doing it again." Susie spat again before turning to Sam and spoke to him with detest. "I was trying to help your brother you ungrateful son of a bitch" then one of the most unexpected things happened before Sam's eyes.

* * *

The light faded Cas was laying on the floor in severe pain with blood dripping from his mouth and nose, when he managed to opened his eyes though his vision was blurry he was in a able to work out he was strangely in a very familiar and unexpected place, Dean's bedroom the room he has near enough lived in for weeks, he looked around and Dean was there too. Cas had no real explanation what just happened but wasn't about to question the miracle that had just blessed them. Cas my not be full wamey angel but 'Susie' just smelt of evil and could be darkness in her eyes a coldness and emptiness that made her one of the last people Cas would trust. Cas scrambled on his hands and knees towards the hunter laying on the floor. Cas cupped Deans check's and shook his head slightly from left to right.

"Dean, Dean…can you hear me?"

Cas gave up quickly the angel has nearly given up faith that Dean will ever come back home. Then out of nowhere a twitch a slight movement Dean moved!

"DEAN!"

Cas shouted again and again, the twitches became bigger and bigger and soon Dean was having some sort of fit. Now Cas was wishing Dean hadn't moved at all. Cas was terrified as he held Dean's limbs down as he violently kicked and convulsed. After a few minutes Dean settled back into silence before suddenly sitting up screaming in pain and chocking up blood and collapsing again, weak and in pain but awake and looking at Cas. The angel already had tears streaming down his face, as he stroked Dean's check and played with his hair not truly believing it to be true and praying with evrything inside of him that it could be.

"Cas? Is that you?"

"its me Dean, your home. It's alright."

"home?"

"Don't talk save your energy."

Cas commanded as he squeezed between sobs. Cas couldn't stop himself he knew Dean was weak and hurting all over but out of countless years of existence Cas had never felt so alive and so…happy at seeing Deans beautiful eyes again. Cas Lent down and placed kiss after kiss on Dean's mouth, check, neck, every where. Dean smiled as Cas' feather soft lips caressed his skin and tingled his senses, making him feel a whole lot better. Dean stopped Cas and looked deep into Cas' eyes, they looked so familiar, they made him warm and safe.

"you're my Cas? My angel."

"yes."

Deans bottom lip began to tremble in a manly way of course, and a warm tear escaped Dean's wet eye as he pulled Castiel towards him and place a gentle tender kiss on his dry equally trembling lips. Then just at the completely wrong moment the door burst open and a shocked Sam stood in the door way staring open mouthed and eyed at the sight of his brother. Dean saw Sam's shock and looked from Cas to Sam, realised his little bother just saw him being gay and worst of all intimate and Dean started to panic.

"I can explain"

"You're awake! You're alive!"

Sam shouted which much glee as he rushed over to Dean and wrapped his arms around his older brother whilst pulling him up to a seated position lending against the bed.

"It's good to see you man."

"You too Sammy."

Sam patted his brother on the shoulder before joined Cas in standing,

"What happened? I heard banging"

"I don't know Sam, we came here after the spell and Dean had a fit then woke up. The banging you mentioned must have been Dean's shoes on the floor, the fit was violent and hard to control"

Sam and Cas nodded to each other before helping Dean into bed and leaving the room. Once outside they spoke in hushed whispers.

* * *

"Sam why do you have blood on you?"

"it's Susie's the women was actually trying to help, but she was possessed by a demon as did her two little helpers. Bobby sliced one up right in front of me before I knew what was happening. Bobbies just getting rid of the bodies now."

"Fuck me."

Cas said as a response to the news. He knew there was something of about the women, but a demon? Surely he would be able to sense it, surely an angel would now. Sam went into shock at hearing such words fall from an angel's lips

"Cas watch your mouth Jesus."

"Sam don't blaspheme."

Sam rolled his eyes before continuing.

"I'll go down and tell Bobby the good news, keep an eye on Dean and when he's got more strength bring him down okay."

Cas nodded and they parted ways. Sam to tell Bobby that Dean was finally awake was talking and seemed well and Cas went back to his job as Dean's protector, but this time to a sleeping Dean not an unconscious hunter. Which made Cas so giddy he almost skipped into the bedroom. Cas entered and quietly closed the door, he could tell Dean was sleeping by his breathing, when unconscious it was light and steady, now he's sleeping Dean's breathing became heavy and slightly erratic like a soft pant. Cas laid on the bed and curled up next to Dean and watched him sleep, forgetting Cas was now at least half human and did too require sleep so soon drifted in dreams along with Dean.

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**Hope you like it xx if your confused just wait for the next chapter XD**

**Please Review they honestly give me motivation to update lol xxxx**


	14. Chapter 14

**YAY! its up this weekend i did it! sorry proud moment over lol**

**anyway i know some of you were confused with the last chapter this one may do the same im not going to lye but it will all link and add up to the story ending I have planned ^_^**

**anyway this chapter is of the world Dean's in and how he returned to the supernatural one.**

**hope you enjoy.**

**xXx**

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Dean sat in the corner of the rec room for a few hours, sometimes he would mumble incoherent words to himself others times he scanned the room and once or twice he closed his eyes to try and force sleep in a desperate bid to return. Dr Weston kept watch and became more and more worried until finally he went over.

"Dean? Are you alright?" The concerned doctor asked as he touched Dean's arm to get his attention, Dean instantly flinched and glared at the man. "come on Dean time to go back to your room."

Dean didn't move and had no intention to either. A nurse scuttled over to the two, she was small in frame with short red hair that hung by her ears in a short bob shaping her long face, she looked from one man to the next and after grabbed both men's attention she spoke;

"Doctor let me take him, come on Dean." Dean didn't recognise the woman from anywhere from the 'real' world, she wasn't a demon or anything bad there, so nodded slightly in agreement

"very well nurse Cartwright."

The doctor said before turning around and returned to where he previously stood.

"Dean come on we have to talk."

"who the fuck are you and why should I care?"

"I know you're not crazy Dean. I'm here to bust you out, for your father. For John."

"What do you know about my dad, if you know him you'll know that he's in prision for murder."

"you know as well as I do that it wasn't murder, your dad was doing good. John was saving people and hunting evil, the monsters that parents tell there children aren't out there, the monsters from legend and myth and it was you and your dads job to kill them."

"who are you?"

"A friend."

The woman looked around aware their convsation was not one to have around people so took Dean by the wrist and led him out the rec room, nodding to the doctor as she passed and the nurse coolly and calmly led the confused patient to his room. When she had Dean instantly shut the door and turned to her.

"okay what's going on?"

"we don't have much time, Dean my name is Susie and I'm going to get you out"

"Out where?"

"Out the hospital, look around you, none of this is real. Your father needs your help, they set a date, he faces the chair next week." Dean's head was spinning, nothing made sense to him right now, so he wasn't crazy and in both realities he's stuck between John was a hunter and so is Dean, so what's happen with Sam? And Cas, Gabe, Lilith and the ghost facers nothing fits. But Dean did know one thing he know he was not crazy.

"how?"

"Leave that to me, be ready for tonight. We have to act now, you have to follow what I say and you must trust me. Can you do that?"

Dean nodded and before Dean knew what was happening Susie had thrust herself upon him crushing her lips hard against the man's unmoving lips who managed to push her off. Dean was in deep shock as he pushed the women away holding her by her shoulders at arms length and looked into her eyes as she looked deep in his. The ordeal was over quickly but every painful gut retching second of it was witnessed by a heart broken man standing in the door way after coming to check on his beloved. Jimmy's presence soon caught Dean's attention and even from the corner of he eye he could sense the sadness and pain. Dean let go of the women he was holding and spun to face him. As Dean stared, Susie saw Jimmy too, as she straightened herself up looked at Jimmy too catching his eye. The two nodded to each other through the think unsettling intention.

"Mr. Novak."

"nurse Cartwright. You know that relations between patient and employer is forbidden."

"oh yeah."

Susie answer with a smug smile as Dean went red and opened his mouth to object but couldn't. All he wanted to do was ease his loves pain, explain what happened butknew it was impossible without revealing what they shared and like Jimmy himself said, it was forbidden. Jimmy hated her right down to his core, he truly did and felt sick looking at her, this was her first week and she has already broken Jimmies heart and soul, Jimmy was a religious man but he wanted to kill her.

"well if you excuse me I have other patience to attend, Mr Novak, dean" Susie lent towards dean, though dean turned his head removing access to his lips she leant in a little more and whispered "I'll see you tonight, 9 o'clock."

With that the young women left the room, grazing Jimmies chest with her hand simply taunting him. Her finger tips seemed to shot dangers through his chest so much so that Jimmy had to take a breath from the pain. Jimmy watched her leave and saw pain and sadness in her eyes but above all anger. Nurse Cartwright kept herself to herself no one new much about her, but who ever she is. She is someone not to be trusted.

It only took 2 seconds after Susie was out of sight for the tears to started cascading silently and unstoppably down Jimmies face and a further 2 for him not to be able to stand the sight of Dean for another one. So he turned and left.

"Jimmy wait! Please let me explain, Jimmy!"

Jimmy didn't look back, but his shouts did not go unheard by another nurse, who popped her head in the door,

"Are you okay hun?" The nurse was blonde and slim and deadly familiar, also to Dean's knowledge dead, well his other world anyway. "Dean?"

"Lilith" Dean growled with so much hatred.

"Dean, please call me by my name okay? It's Lily you know that."

In this world the young perky nurse had done nothing wrong, but it didn't stop Dean from remembering what she did in the other place, at least Dean thought he remembered it was more of a vibe a feeling that he wanted this women head on a plate.

"leave."

"Dean…"

"LEAVE."

The shocked young women quickly shut the door behind her and went to the bathroom to compose herself. Despite being trained to deal with difficult patients Dean really scared her, it wasn't as if he touched her or anything but there was something in his eyes that really got to Lily.

* * *

Jimmy went straight to his office and locked the door behind him. He kept replaying again and again what happened trying to make sense of everything. It wasn't working nothing was becoming clear nothing was right. He saw them kiss but he also saw Dean push her away but only seconds before looking at him. Jimmy reluctantly came to the sad conclusion that dean wanted it and only stopped because Jimmy came in, how many other nurses does he get with when the doors are closed? Kimmy knew it was to good to be true that Dean was to good to be true. It would be easy for Jimmy to leave it there, it would be easy to cry, be heartbroken and move on it would be eaiser to let go at least thats what he found in his other partners now it seems the hardest thing that he could ever think of doing, All he wants to do is fight for him, to hold him again to kiss him and feel his warmth. A feeling only made stronger by the dark feeling in the pit of his stomach when it came to Susie, something was off about her and Jimmy was going to find out.

* * *

Dean went over what Susie told him, Dean did honestly believe that John was indeed a hunter, but that would mean that, well all dean could think of was the angels were on a power trip messing with there heads, especially Sam's and that would also mean that, and Dean's stomach dropped at the thought of it but it would mean that they got to Cas. Cas was now back of the opposite team and was no longer on Dean's side, which hurt more then anything. As dean sat perched on his old metal bed he glanced up to the wall clock; 8:30, not long to wait until she arrives. Out of the silence that had built up in Dean's room and mind, the sound of the door crashed through room with an echo, which instantly grabbed Dean's attention. His eyes brightened when who he thought would walk through the door didn't and who he wished would did; Jimmy. He entered the room clutching papers and laid them next to Dean on his bed, Jimmy looked flustered and didn't make eye contact.

"Jimmy I'm sorry about what you saw, its not…"

"What I think? Yeah I've heard that before Dean. At least this time it's the truth."

"Excuse me?"

"Nurse Cartwright is a lair"

"How would you know?"

"Because of this."

Jimmy pointed at the array of photos and papers that had been placed on his bed. the two men stood facing each other either side of the bed, Dean scanned over them but couldn't see what he perhaps should be. After a few minutes Jimmy rolled his eyes not being able to see Dean'sconfused little face any longer and decided to spell it out to him.

"you see her?" Jimmy asked pointing at a picture, "That's carol, we know her a Susie, well you know her as Susie I know her as the little trolap I have the urge to straggle the life out of..."

"Jimmy?"

"any way, her last name is still Cartwright, a little sloppy if your going under an alias but that's just me, her father here, " Jimmy pointed at another photo; "his name you should know, his name is"

"Scott Cartwright. One of dad's victims. He was, dad said he was a vampire. I watched as his head fall as I listened his daughter scream, her." Dean said wearily as he pointed at the photo of Susie well Carol. "she must have been about 14, at the time I thought she was the vamps next meal, guess I was wrong."

"Dean look at me, its not your fault. But Susie she doesn't believe it. I followed her progress, smart kid until her father died, then grades went down started getting in trouble with the police, she got twisted Dean. Susie was good before a demon got inside of her."

"A demon?"

"not your kind Dean, I meant grief, anger, confusion all rolled into one thing; revenge. It's what she wants and she will stop at nothing to get it. Grief can make us do terrible things."

"no Jimmy no, she's a friend of my fathers. She knows about the monsters and hunters how else would she know that?"

"Your records she works here, plus you've got quite a reputation your fathers crimes will go down in history which means you will too. your names into google and over a million hits come up."

"you've google me?" Dean asked with a smiled he couldn't stop, Jimmy coughed trying to hide his embarrassment before he continued talking.

"Dean she said anything she needed you to get you to trust her. She's smart she knows how you doubt this world so she played along. Believe me Dean when I say that she means you harm. Im here for you Dean, I don't doubt this world you promised me you trusted me, so believe me adn know I will help and protect you."

Jimmy looked Dean straight in the eye as he spoke, retching over and cupping Dean's face with a shaky slighly sweety hand, Dean's eyes closed at the feel and lent into Jimmies warm touch, both could feel the sparks they got from each other and Dean knew Jimmy was true, and now so did Jimmy.

* * *

"Well isn't this quant."

Came a voice from the door, both men turned to glare and saw it was her. Susie walked straight to Jimmy not even bothering with Dean. She moved close inches from his face as she spat out the words;

"I knew it would be you that would try and stop me." Susie moved back and started to wonder slightly moving in a large circle around the men in the room. "come on, you think I didn't notice those lost little puppy eyes earlier, it was obvious you held a touch for Winchester, what's surprising is that you hold on too" Susie said whilst looking at Dean, who did go a little red but didn't look away and wasn't ashamed. "Since my little plan or leading you out giving you a piece of your own medicine has failed ill just have to kill the you old fashioned way, oh well I think I'll live with it."

Susie gently spoke then suddenly pulled out a gun and without hesitation pulled the trigger, Dean heard the gun and instantly felt the bullet as it pierced his skin shattered bone and pounded his pain receptors to maximum. Soon the man was falling to the floor as Jimmy watched, screaming for his love. Jimmy grabbed the fire extinguisher from the wall and smashed it over her head causing blood to splurt over Jimmies face and Susie to fall. The gun shot attracted much attention, all Jimmy could do was stare at Dean on the floor squirming in pain he was lost he didn't know what to do and felt hopeless and powerless to save Dean. When he got over the shock enough to gather the strength to move the on site paramedics arrived and jimmy was deemed useless again. So Jimmy resorted to prayer.

"please let him be okay, please lord, save Dean?"

"where losing him."

One of the paramedics urgently told the next, you quickly grabbed the defibrillator and charged it up. Hitting Dean's injured body with 250, then 300 again and again but with no response Dean was dieing and Jimmy, Jimmy was too, his heart didn't even want to keep beating. Then after a charge of 350 what seemed like a miracle happened Dean opened his eyes looked to the heavens and screamed sitting slightly before collapsing again going into unconsciousness and in a coma but alive. Dean was carefully transported to hospital to receive the emergency help he needed, Jimmy wished to accompany him in the ambulance but considering the police had arrived and Susie was taken away to hospital as well, with serious head trauma and barely breathing the police had some questions. So Jimmy spoke his silent goodbye to his patient, his friend and lover wishing the man well on the journey he has no doubt taken and praying he'll return from soon, before returning his attentions back to the police.

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**Thank you for reading**

**please forgive any mistakes in grammer or spelling**

**next chapter up next week sometime (I hope) lol**

**please review xxxx**


	15. Chapter 15

**This chapter explains why three demons had the balls to try and kidnap dean under two hunter and an angels nose...silly demons.**

**enjoy the chapter xxx**

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Deans feathery eyelashes fluttered and opened slowly, the sun sparkling through the raggy curtains hanging by the window as rays of light fell over the room like spot lights on stage, Dean arose from his slumber feeling slightly exhilarated like he's had a spark of life put in him. even the blue bird in the junk yard was in song. It was like a scene from a film and when Dean saw his surroundings, he saw he was home back at Bobbies he honestly couldn't be happier, after moving slightly on the bed to readjust he found another reason to love this world, it was Cas snuggled up to him like a baby holding tight to his human. Cas' head rested on his chest and on his heart, the place the angel had always belonged. Dean manovered himself around Cas' sleeping body careful not to wake him knowing Cas needed his sleep, besides he looked to peaceful and simply to god damn cute to wake, it wasn't till he got to the door and opened it then his mind started working; why the hell was Cas sleeping? Unless;

"Shit." Dean whispered to himself, he was Jimmy and maybe they ran away and got out the hospital, but if that were so why didn't Dean remember any of it the last thing he remembers is been fuxking shot and hearing paramedics shouting different charges to shock him with as darkness ungulfed his vision. Anyway why the hell would they be at Bobbie's Dean thought noticing the picture on the wall of Dean and Sam in high school.

The hunter slowly and carefully made his way downstairs, confusion and frustration blocking his mind of any other thought. As he descended the stairs the muffled voices of two familiar people grew in clarity, until he was standing at the bottom of the stairs looking at Sammy and Bobbies back. They were discussing something, but he couldn't work out what, though the hunter didn't care at this point. Which world has he landed in! Jimmies upstairs but Sam doesn't hate Bobby, their talking, the trust and love they had for each other was clear. Dean had enough of the last few weeks or months? Dean wasn't even sure anymore but what he was sure of was being yanked around from place to place against his will, being shown a truth then having it torn apart by another, all dean knew for sure was he wanted his life and his family back.

"Hey guys."

Dean said trying to sound his cocky self, but his head was throbbing he was expirencing a 'death would be less painful head ache' that he always gets whenever he gets the damn yoyo treatment. Dean's words shocked both Sam and Bobby and both pulled a gun on the elder Winchester. Upon turning and peering into those lost green eyes that both men have been waiting to see for what seems like years, both men lowered their weapons and lunged towards Dean wrapping their arms around the man they had given up hope in. The three men were sat around the table staring at each other in complete silence all searching for the words each needing answers but unable to ask the questions.

"Dean…" Sam finally spoke "I cant…I thought, you weren't coming back." Sam stumbled around the words as his eyes became red at the thought of life without his brother.

"Sammy. How do you kill a vampire?"

"what?"

"answer the question, I have to be sure."

"you cut of its head, Dean I don't und…" unable to finish his sentence as Dean got up and threw his strong arms instantly around his little brothers neck, bringing those tears filling his brown eyes to overflow a fall down his face.

"I'm home." Dean mumbled into his brothers neck.

"of course you are Dean."

"I had to be sure" Dean parted from his brother and returned to his seat and turned to Bobby, who was facing him across the table with a rare sweet smile hidden behind his beard but there none the less.

"It's good to see you son."

"You to Bobby."

"If I'm here in this world then Cas is the one upstairs?"

"Yeah."

"Castiel, the angel."

"Yeah, what are you getting at Dean."

"Sammy, angel's don't sleep that's not Cas up there!"

Bobby rolled his eyes and interrupted seeing the panic and sadness in Dean's eyes;

"It is Dean. Sam how about those beers." Sam nodded as Bobby continued to fill Dean in "Cas has started sleeping and eating and washing and well everything we do."

"What! How? Why? "

"Because of you" came a rough deep voice from behind them the voice was weary old and heavenly to hear it was Dean goose bumps alls over his body, an instant smile appeared on Dean's lips when he heard it, but by the time all three hunter turned to looked at the man before them the words spoken had sank in and the smile was completely wiped from his face.

For the first time in an awful long time, Castiel and dean were both conscious both awake as Cas stood only metres away dean resisted the urge to stand stride towards him and pin that man up against the wall and save explanations for later, now that thought was both pleasantly and annoyingly firmly planted in deans mind as they looked into each others eyes dean new he would be standing up anytime soon.

"what?" is all dean could say in response to Cas' broad statement.

"you are more angel than I."

"what!"

Dean was now getting frustrated and didn't like how he was feeling, Sam sat back down with four beers passed one to each man before starting to explain what Cas had found so difficult.

"Cas has, he has been shielding you with his grace to keep you safe but it has drained him, and he's now near enough…"

"human" Dean finished for Sam, now understanding the situation, the hunter was awash with guilt ,Cas has given up his divine powers just on the of chance it would help him. Cas was simply brilliant, "Cas, I cant believe you did that for me."

Cas still standing shrugged stiffly before joined the boys at the table. Dean looked around a little before getting up going to the fridge and removing a plate a cooked chicken and went back to the table, all eyes watching him the entire time.

"what? I'm starved." Dean told them before digging into the chicken

"Dean, how did you manage to return?"

After a moment to think, he remembered, remember the gun shot noise, the bullet the pain, the shocks but mostly her face.

"I was shot, was about to die they started shocking me to get my heart pumping and I woke up here, don't know if it worked or if im dead."

"Dean your alive, your here" Sam urged reminded dean that he was home and that other place was just in his head,

"Yeah yeah, of course Sammy" dean told his brother sounding unconvinced.

"who shot you?" bobby asked after a swig of his beer.

"Some crazy ass woman, Susie she said she was called" Everything fell silent after called told them hat name, tension filled memories filled the room making dean every uncomfortable at the effect his words had. "What?"

* * *

After Dean had been caught up with the happenings whilst he was under and the boys were told about the shooting and about the reasons all four men sat in silence swigging their third round of beers, they sat and processed the information.

"so, what's three demons, low level demons doing walking into this house, isn't it like suicide?" Dean asked starting to get a little worried that demons didn't have much of a problem walking into the house of three well trained and experienced hunters.

"Exactly." Bobby started looking up at the boys "that's what you should be worried about."

"Bobby we gangked them its fine."

"don't you idjits get it? Demons are freely walking into the house, there not scared of us anymore. Which should have you all of you shitting yourselves, because when the day comes that the Winchester brothers no longer strike fear in demons hearts is the day when, something is coming. Something big."

"Bobby?" Sam asked sounding like a kid again Sam sound a little scared not that he would admit it.

"They know what's happening and their taking their chance while they can, while we're weak. They know about Dean so they also know that Sam isn't much of a hunter right now."

"Hey"

"Well your not. I know it, you know it and the fucking demons know it. The amount of times you two sacrifice yourselves for each other, if one of you goes you both do, and me well I'm not exactly live and kicking am I? take away Dean, Michael's vessel and Lucifer will be free to take his without competition or the fight which means we are all going die."

"But Bobby, Cas. They should sense an angel right? I thought demons were terrified of angels?"

"Dean I doubt anyone can sense me, if they do then they wont be fearing me for a while." Cas tried his hardest to joke at this but it was clear that he hated it, he hated feeling useless and well human.

"it's because of me isn't it? no, no Cas I can't let you give so much, it isn't right. Take it back, be you again. I don't want it, take it back."

"it's not that easy Dean, but if you wish it, I will stop shimmering you."

Dean and Cas starred at each other and gave the other a nodded of agreement, even after the nod the starring didn't stop. Sam was starting to feel a little uncomfortable with the half told story of how their doomed and who his older brother and the angel were undressing each other with the eyes…weird.

"so what are you saying? The demons are revolting against us?" Sam asked to get the discussion going again, the question brought his brother and the angel back to the room and starting listening again.

"basically yeah. Even at our strongest this would be a fight we would find it hard to win we have no chance the way we are."

"wow thanks Bobby."

"what do you want from me Sam? You want me to tell you it'll all be okay that none of us will die and we'll win? Well what good is lying going to do? Here look this is what were up against."

Bobby said as he through an old dusty book on the table open at a page and all of them peered at it and one by one faces whitened. The book talked of a hunter massacre around 700 years ago. 60 demons banned together and swore to work together for the first time since well forever; they attacked a village full of hunters and their familes, one by one hunter after hunter child after child, they were ripped apart, as the sun went down demons feasting on the flesh of fresh hunters and sat on thrones of childrens bones.

Cas turned and walked out of the room. "Where do you think your going Cas?"

"Don't know about you but I need a beer anyone else?" all three men put a hand in the air in a few seconds Cas appeared again with the beer and all men were silent as they drank.

"We are royally fucked." Sam stated the obvious after he finished reading the story for the third time.

"no, no were not. That might have been what a village of hunter a billion years ago…"

"723" Cas corrected him, Dean took a deep breath trying not to telling him to shut the fuck up, instead he continued.

"723 years ago thank you Cas. But we have the knife that they didn't. we are an ex-blood junkie a cripple and a crazy we are the best hunters around, not to mention the best angel in the garrison, cut of from heaven and mostly human. We are here and were are together. were a family a screwed up family but we work. We've kicked so many demons butts a few more shouldn't be any trouble." The men listened to Dean's words, hope filled Sam listening to his elder brother, it got Bobby thinking 'what the hell, why not?' they will win or die trying, were Cas he listened to Dean's strong words he listened how they were spoken with a shaking voice, fear shadowed all of what Dean said. Yet a soft smile appeared on the angels face Dean was truly the bravest human he knew. That strength transferred to Cas as he too filled with hope and a give them hell attitude. "now we will be ready for those sons of bitch's. And we will win we will send them all to hell now lets stay together and…." Dean couldn't finish his sentence the air went from his lungs as it stomach felt like it has been thrown 17 stories in the air. Deans his swirled and swelled as pain gushed throughout his body, suddenly a limp unconscious hunter was lying on the ground.

"NOOO!"

Cas screamed as he rushed to Dean held his head and cried as he tried to shake Dean awake, though he knew the effort was futile. A tear fell down Sam's face as he started to move towards them only to be stopped by Bobby, who shock his head then turned to watch the two on the floor with heart broken eyes. Sam couldn't he couldn't just watch such pain so he turned around and left the house and climbed into the impala. Tears fell down his red cheeks as he gripped the stirring wheel, wishing there was something he could do to help his brother.

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**hope you enjoyed this chapter, **

**there will only be a few more chapters for this story**

**please plese please review i love to read about you think of the chapter and the story**

**xxxx**


	16. Chapter 16

**Enjoy the chapter ^_^ **

**Sam makes an important discovery and the walls between realities has gotten thinner. xxx**

***spoilers for anyone reading wuthering heights*- I do realise how random that sounds but it will make sense lol**

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Sam sat in the impala gripping the stirring wheel so tight his hands were starting to hurt though that didn't stop him from continuing. Anger starting boiling in the pit of the hunters stomach, it wasn't fair, not of it, all they have ever done it fight, fight for what? Its not like it has stopped, it never stops! It. Will. Never. Stop! Sam shock at the stirring wheel so violently his whole body was jumping up and down he couldn't control himself he flipped out hitting and kicking everything he could whilst screaming all the frustration out. He accidentally opening the glove compartment causing numerous fake id's papers and a spare gun with extra emergency ammo came flying out and fell over the floor and front seat.

Sam got unreasonably annoyed at this "Oh come on!" Sam shouted as he climbed out and slammed the door after looking at the old family car in front of him, he started kicking the frame, he knew Dean loved the car and will kill him when he wakes up, if he waked up. But Sam hated this car, they hunt in it, sleep in it, they do everything in this car, every bad memory is in one way or another connected to this god dam car! They basically live in it! Sam thought as a kick went higher then he meant it to and ended up kicked the wind mirror clean of.

"shit." Sam grabbed the mirror and like a child that broke his big brothers favourite toy he frantically kept pushing the mirror and against the car, on the off chance it will just click back into place, he had no better plan, he was starting to panic. As his eyes scanned the car again, something shiny caught his attention like a magpie, it was part of the crap that fell out the glove compartment; screw driver, he instantly dived into the car and grabbed it. Well he intended to his gaze was captured by an old piece of brown cloth he hadn't seen before. Sam held it as he gazed at all the markings in wonder, it was old truly old but at the same time it was beautiful with the markings expertly written, "Bobby! I think I found something." as Sam turned it over the mirror that was still clasped in his hand turned too and a small brown material bag fell out of it. Sam dropped the mirror and picked up the contence that fell out of it. With the cloth in one hand and the bag in another, he looked from hand to hand. It was a hex bag and fucking hex bag hidden in the impala "Dean." Sam whispered to himself, this maybe the key to save his brother "BOBBY" Sam shouted as he ran into the house as quickly as he could.

He ran into the house so fast only just managed to stop before he ran into Bobby's wheel chair who was situated in the living room near the door, When Sam got inside saw Dean still lying on the floor they hadn't moved him yet though they did give him a pillow and a blanket. Bobby was watching Cas obsessively try and make him comfortable as he blubbered, it had to be hard for Cas, just as he started to feel real emotion he had to deal with the hardest.

"What is it boy?" Bobby asked without taking his eyes of Dean, Sam took hold of Bobby's handles and twirled him around to face him, careful boy I'm not a… Sam shoved the items he found into the old hunters hands, which shut his rant up instantly, where did you...

"The impala. That car is like a home to us, Dean especially." Without a word Bobby flashed Sam a gentle hopeful look before taking the hex bag and cloth into the library and hit the books. Sam approached his brother and knelt beside Cas, who had just stopped fussing. They were both starring at Dean, when Sam began to speak, his voice was soft and quiet as if he didn't want to wake his sleeping brother.

"I found something in the impala, it looks like a hex bag and something else I have never seen before. It may be what brings him back." Spark flew inside Cas as he stopped himself showing just how happy he was, and smiled greatly, he didn't want his hope to become public knowledge therefore real, if it wasn't said, it wasn't real if it wasn't real it wouldn't hurt so much if what Sam was saying didn't happened. Though Cas still had a lot to learn about emotions.

"Thank you Sam."

"sure thing, I want him home too you know."

"Of course. I was thinking about reading to him, keep one if his senses active maybe ground him a little to us."

"yeah he'll appreciate that. Just no fairy tales?"

"Does he not like them."

"You just never know what that can lead too okay?" Casnodded "arm why isnt he upstairs anyway?"

"Idon't have the strength to carry him"

"well hey at lat he looks comfy enough"and Sam lent towards his brother, making Cas tense up remembering the last time he was so close to Dean, but this time he didn't show violence but tenderness, as he gave his brother a kiss on the forward and whispered in his ear;

"Don't get too comfortable man, we're bringing you home. I promise."

Cas smiled as he watched, it was touching, Sam saw and as he got up to research with bobby he jokingly warned Cas.

"Tell him that happened and I'll kill you." Cas dipped his head as he let out a gentle laugh, it felt good to laugh.

Cas went to the book case and found a very old and dusty book at the back of the book shelf. After grabbing a beer and a pillow Cas settled next to Dean and opened the book,

"Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte, chapter one..."

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Dean slowly started to regain consciousness his vision was dark and blurry and sounds echoed slightly, though he could work out a voice, it seemed to worsen his throbbing headache but it was so soothing he didn't really care. As his vision improved his saw a vision in front of him sat in front of him reading.

"Hey, why are reading? and what made you choose Wuthering heights?" Dean asked with a cheeky smirk

I'm not dDan it s Treasure Island, it a classic would you rather I choose Wuthering heights?"

"Whatever dude just as long as its not fucking fairy tales."

"I see, well any way welcome back to the world of the living." Dean smiled through dry and cracking lips and willingly received a loving kiss.

"Morning Jimmy." Dean greeted him as he gazed into those beautiful eyes.

"Morning sweetheart, though its hardly morning you've been gone three days. Its 2 o clock now." Jimmy told him as he looked out the window at the sun light view of buildings that cast shadows along them, it wasn't beautiful but I was to Dean. He hadn't seen such a view in forever.

"Am I still at the hospital?"

"your not at the institution no, you're in A and E. you were shot Dean."

"well I was wondering why I was in so much pain. It was err what's her name Shirley?"

"Susie,"

"yeah her, hey weren't you arrested."

"I'm impressed you can remember, they had CCTV so I was released on bail, they doubt any charges will be brought."

"Good. Jimmy the bad ass, taking down psychopathic gun wielding trigger happy women." Dean joked and the men laughed, Dean became serious for a second asspoke;

"Thank you, I owe you my life."

"I would do anything for you Dean." Jimmy told him as he slipped his hand into Dean's, warmth and butterflies filled them both. It was these rare and simply moments of happiness and bliss that Jimmy waits for, that he gets up for. They sat in silence for a while happy just to have each others company. Out of the corner of Dean's mind he heard a distance voice, what it said raised allot of questions;

"Who are Catherine and Heathcliff?"

"Their characters from Wuthering Heights why?"

"Why cant they be together?" Dean asked sounding like a little kid, he seemed really effected by this question a tear was actually forming in the corner of his eye.

"Dean?"

"why?" he choked out jimmy was very confused but mostly he was filled with an overwhelming urge to man the man laugh again.

"I don't know Dean, I have never read the book, I didn't know you were such a fan of it.

"I'm not, I don't even know who they are! Its like the book is being played out in my mind by, you. No you bitch don't go on the moors!" Dean shouted as he tried to sit up, only to instantly lay back down in agony.

"Dean your starting to scare me."

"Then stop reading me the story you fucking angel!"

"Dean?"

"I'm sorry."

"no it's fine. it's the medication, I think its effecting your regular pills, I'm going to go talk to the doctor about changing what they are giving you, okay?" a tear ran down his cheek as he nodded. Dean looked so damn cute, it was unbelievable how much. Before he left Jimmy couldn't resist one more taste, he crushed his lips against Dean's before swiftly leaving the room, leaving Dean wanting more.

A few minutes later the door opened Dean smiled and as he turned to see the man in standing in the door frame as he spoke

"Took you long enough come back here...Sam?" it wasn't Jimmy. His baby brother was standing in the door way, he could hardly believe it.

"Hey Dean." After a moment of prolonged brotherly gazing Sam strolled over to the Dean and threw his arms gently around his wounded brother. I missed you man.

"me too Sammy, me too." Sam settled in the seat recently vacated by Jimmy. how's Jessica and the baby?

"there both great thanks, we called him Dean."

"yeah I was told. I don't know what to say man that's, that's awesome. Really I'm touched." Sam nodded a little embarrassed and got a photo out from and showed Dean. He smiled instantly and broadly as he took the picture. As soon as he saw Jessica's smiling face dean's dropped, as he had an awful flash of her covered in blood pinned to the ceiling surrounding by flames as Sam's screams filled his mind. she's alive.

"Yes she is Dean" Sam told him weary of his brothers possible reaction and he was pleasantly surprised, after Dean shook his hand the smile returned.

"of course she is, you all look so happy, a proper family. I proud of you little brother."

"thank you Dean, thatmeans alot.

"so erm when shall we do it?"

"do what?"

"get me out of here, you were going to bring me home."

"no, Dean you've been shot you can barley move. I'm not going to bust you out.

"but you promised!"

"no I didn't." Dean's jaw tensed as he took a swing for his brother although it hurt like hell, he managed to do it. Though Sam grabbed his arm and defended himself.

"don't you forget Dean, I was brought up with dad too. I know how to fight, shoot, everything so don't think you can beat me okay and I am not a punching bag. Hell if creatures were real I bet I could hunt them better than you." Sam told him as he let go of Dean's arm. Dean couldn't help but smile it was like having the old Sam back.

"would you want to. You know if you knew they were real."

"no. I would never go back to that, back to motel jumping, living out a bag, living in fear. I hated it. I'm happy now Dean, I wasn't then.

"but I'm your brother, your supposed to be happy with me."

"I'm sorry Dean, I love you but even if they were real, I hate the thought of hunting nearly as much as I hate the thought of my big brother wanting to do it!

"its in our blood."

"no Dean its not. After looking at his watch Sam rolled his eyes. look I'm sorry but I have to go, I have a conference tomorrow and I have to drive all night just to get there, im glad your okay Dean. I love you and I'll come back and visit soon okay." Dean nodded as Sam kissed his brother on the forehead and left. Dean started mumbling to himself, "I want my Sammy back." Dean heard Jimmy's distant voice again well t least it sounded like Jimmy. Tears started pouring down his face, a minute late Jimmy came in with a doctor. Dean instantly glared at the man.

"They died! they died! I hope your happy, why would you read me such a sad story! Don't you think I've had enough death!" Jimmy turned to the doctor on his left,

you see what I mean."

"yes indeed, Dean how are you feeling

"peachy!" he shouted back, he was getting all emotional and ratty and he didn't even know why anymore.

"okay Dean I'm just going to give you this to put you to sleep and when you wake up it will all be fine your meds will be sorted by then, okay?" Dean nodded and agreed with Jimmies insistence. As the needle pierced his skin he longingly stared into Jimmies eyes as the drug took effect, Jimmy and those beautiful shimmering eyes were the last thing he saw before his vision blacked out.

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**Please review xxx**


	17. Chapter 17

**sorry it took such a long time to update, please forgive me ^_^**

**this chapter will explain a lot and unfortunately this story will soon be coming to an end :(**

**anyway the usually warning about grammar and spelling. hope you enjoy the chapter. :) xx**

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Dean's mind was spinning and he felt sick from the movement and the rush of blood that was streaming into his head that felt twice the size. His heart beat heavy in his mouth and cold sweat ran down his heated body. As Dean slowly opened his eyes, it was as if he had he worst hangover since his 13th birthday when his dad forgot so he drank John's entire stash of whiskey, it was just awful. But now was worse, mostly because he seems to be getting the horrible morning after but not the excellent night before, figures.

Dean woke up expecting well nothing these recent events has taught Dean not to except anything because anything is to be expected, and Dean really didn't except this. As he opened his eyes and there was, nothing. No hospital, no Impala, no Cas, no Jimmy, no Sam, no Bobby, nothing just darkness, simple darkness. The question 'am I dead?' ran through Dean's mind more than once, though he has died many, many times before and this just wasn't part of the routine, so he could safely rule that out.

As he tried to move he prepared for the pain, but none came. Dean searched his body there was no gaping bullet wound, in fact there was no wound at all, and his skin looked like virgin skin clean smooth and scar less. Things were staring to get freaky, what was happening? Maybe he has finally gone completely crazy. Dean had enough, its one thing being yo-yoed from place to place, but being thrown into this that was completely different and there was no Casor Jimmy here to made everything okay, there was no one and nothing. As Dean stood he looked around trying to make heads or tales of everything. He ran in any direction but nothing changed, he ran in another and the same. After running around like a headless chicken for around 15 minutes he stopped caught his breath, after Dean fell to his knees and prayed, hoping that where ever he was Cas would be able to hear, some how. Dean got angry from the non response he got. He resorted to shouting, so Dean started yelling his lungs up, to be honest it was either shouting for help or crying like a baby.

"Hello Dean." Came a sudden and unexpected voice from behind him. Making him jump slightly, but this response was nothing compared to what happened when he turned around. Deans stomach dropped so hard to the ground, his lungs burst and heart stopped, skin went pale white and blood gushed cold, at the sight of his mother, Mary Winchester standing before him. She smiled sweetly at him, Dean merely stared. His mouth opened and closed and opened again not that he had anything to say, his mind was empty. The sight of her wiped everything from his mind. She stepped towards him, instinctively Dean backed away being the hunter he was trained as. Dean knew the score he wasn't stupid or naive he knows that Mary's dead and this could not be. Even so when she stepped forward again and kept walking arms out stretched Dean froze he didn't move, Mary placed her warm hands on Dean's fiery cheeks. He desperately wanted this to be real, he really did.

"Dean." He voice was like a musical song is was soothing and she breathed to a simple melody of the rhythm of her voice. He missed her so much.

"Mum?"

"Yes." Dean couldn't help it, yes this was impossible and yes she will probably end up being some sort of monster that will try and kill him and maybe eat him aswell, but right now for this moment he decided for once in his life that ignorance was bliss. Dean flung his arms around the woman standing in front of him. He held her and she held on too, something that Dean was so happy about if a little surprised. Mary placed both hands on Dean's cheeks cupping them and wiping the tears away with her thumbs.

"Don't cry my son, it will be okay."

"This isn't real."

"No its not. You're right. But it's the next best thing." Dean pulled away from her looking her up and down examining for any thing that should he there mostly a weapon of sorts. He saw none for the good reason that she had none.

"Where am I?" Mary moved forward to touch Dean again this time Dean moved back and didn't allow her to touch him, so she demonstrated on herself he touching her head.

"In here."

"What?"

"Were in your head"

"Am I dreaming?"

"Close actually, this is you subconscious. I am you and you are me, I am but a figment."

"Bullshit. that doesn't even sound like its an actual thing."

"Watch your language son." Said a manly voice that filled the well room maybe? Dean recognised that voice, though it usually sounded less understanding and more steeped in anger. He turned and saw him walking up to him patted Dean on the shoulder while looking his son in the eye and nodding at him and went to Mary and put an arm around his still very beautiful wife. "Don talk to your mother like that."

Dean was now completely lost for words, his mum and dad are here in front of him, together.

"What the hell is happening!"

"It's quite simple Dean" John began "We are inside your head, we're like this because were what you want more than anything, your parents. Thank you by the way it means a lot. Anyway. This never happens you know, its called subconscious for a reason its because you don't consciously look around it and talk to it, well us. But this is necessary, you have to be made aware, you have to make a choice."

"What? Yeah it sounds real simple."

"You have to choice one reality. In the supernatural world there's a spell that pulling you from world to world and in the hospital one it is a form of schizophrenia that is doing this. You cannot sustain much more 'hoping' by you making a choice to which reality is real will stop this back and forth. That is how it all ends."

"Well that's easy."

"It may sound easy, but which one is real Dean?"

"Well."

"There's no well, there cannot be any doubt if you get it right you'll go back to normal. If you don't you'll be locked away in that reality in your own mind and it will kill you."

"Way to look at the positives pops."

"Dean I am warning you, well myself." Dean thought about this for a moment confused set in almost immediately.

"Which one is real?" Dean asked the fake mum and dad in front of him, begging for answers.

"What one feels real Dean, in your heart." Mary urged dean to search inside to which one felt more like home.

"I don't know. I kinda want Jimmies world to be real at least Sam's happy, there's nothing evil lurking in the shadows and I have Jimmy."

"What about Cas?" Mary asked

"Cas is Jimmy. I mean come on an angel? Really?"

"What if Cas' world is real and you choose Jimmies and you die and your death courses the death or every one else there?" John told Dean.

"What are you, am I talking about? I really am crazy, I am arguing with myself."

"Dean this is serious."

"Then help me, tell me."

"Dean we are you, you know what we know and visa versa."

"Then how did you know about this choice crap."

"Because Dean. We can see it" Mary held her hands up and on each palm, images were playing, on her left hand Cas was sitting staring at Dean on the floor stroking his hair and Sam came in with a book and a half smile on his tired looking face. On Mary's right hand was Jimmy sitting at his bed side watching over him. Cas held Dean's left hand and Jimmy held his right. Dean glanced down at his hands. Wishing he cold feel their touch, feel their warmth. He knew it was their but couldn't feel it. He was that far away from him, well them.

"You choose Dean."

"Huh."

"Choose what one to go back to. You will need to make the choice very soon, it will present it self in which ever reality you happen to be in. You will know when it comes. you have to be ready to make the choice Dean."

Dean nodded and approached his parents after kissing them both on the cheek he pointed at Mary's left hand, she nodded. John gave his son a hug one which Dean didn't want to let go of and Mary kissed her son on the forehead before blowing some of the contence of her left hand over he son, the fragments of that reality sprinkled around him and he felt himself begin to change, he was leaving.

"Give Sam our love son." John told Dean as Mary held her husband tight. It was a beautiful scene to leave on, though he cursed the fact he had to. "good bye son."

"good bye sweet heart" Mary bided her son farewell and blow him another kiss and the rest of the reality covered him.

"Mum, Dad. Good bye." It was the hardest thing Dean had ever had to do. He said good bye. How do you say a final good bye to your parents? It was truly heart wrenching. Tears fell as Mary and John became less and less clear. He knows they weren't truly John and Mary Winchester but they were the closest he was ever going to get to get some long over due closure.

They seemed happy, it may seem strange but Dean never really thought that after they died they could ever be together again. Dean was sure John crawled his way out of hell the night he sold his soul so was it possible, wasn't it? Dean naively hoped it was and it was the best most warming thing Dean could hold onto as his subconscious slipped away and a sense of being filled his limbs again. As he opened his eyes he saw his Cas, he was home. he was maybe home.

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**Please review :) xx though story is not over yet a few chapters to go :) x**


	18. Chapter 18

**hope you enjoy one of the last chapters of this story :( lol :D**

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Dean opened his eyes he saw his Cas, he was home, he was maybe home.

"Dean." Cas breathed as he saw the hunter stirring. "Sam, Bobby!"

Cas shouted for the others. His words shot straight through and pierced Dean's head, that hangover feeling was not gone, it seems to have come back 10 fold. Cas flung his arms around the hunter and they shared a rare intimate moment in their other wise chaotic lives. Cas stood and helped Dean tryto stand, he managed to stand for a few moments before his legs collapsed under him Cas grabbed him and took the wobbly hunter over to the couch where he was to rest and regain some strength.

Sam and Bobby soon came running in, after the usual greeting and hugs and Sam hiding those tears of happiness this time even Bobby had to go back into the library sooner than he wanted in order to hide such 'weak' emotions.

"Cas?"

"Yeah Dean?"

"I really need food, I honest to god have no idea when I last ate."

"Of course Dean, what do you want?"

"Anything and everything." Dean joked, but not really. As he started to make his way on shaky legs to the kitchen, Sam was in there already sitting at the table staring at the brother hardly believing it. "you could do with some food as well Sammy."

The brothers sat down with an all day breakfast, which Dean insisted on making, he was finally free to do what he pleased, the hunter set the table for four and gathered everyone for food. They ate in silence for a few minutes before Bobby spoke

"Sam found something in the Impala. Looks like a hex bag." Dean stopped eating at this information and carried on listening. "That and a parchment I think I can reverse it Dean."

"I see." Dean spoke in a very neutral manner as he took the parchment of Bobby and studied it.

"Isn't it great Dean, we will have you back" Sam urged his brother with a huge smile, Dean on the other hand seemed to be lost in thought. His fake mothers words rattled in his mind 'You will need to make the choice very soon, it will present it self in which ever reality you happen to be in. You will know when it comes. you have to be ready to make the choice Dean' was this it.

"I thought I would have more time." He stated before getting up and walking out of the room into the living room, leaving the parchment on the table and the three of them completely lost for words at what just happened.

There was no question who was going to go after him. Dean stood facing the window after putting his hands in his pockets he found a tube of sleeping pills, the pills he had in the hospital how they ended up in his pocket and how he manage to take them across realities was beyond him, but as he looked at these pills he knew what he had to do. after putting them back in his pocket a book on the living room floor caught his attention Dean laughed slightly and picked it up and stood with a copy of wuthering heights in his hands and his smiled was firmly placed on his face as he asked.

"Did you read me this?"

"yes." Cas answered as he stood right behind him.

"Thank you." Cas smiled and nodded as he placed a gentle hand on Dean's shoulder. Dean closed his eyes at the contact and put his hand on Cas'. After a few moments Dean turned to face the angel, he cupped his cheeks and spoke.

"Oh Cas, my dear Castiel. You have given so much. I cannot begin to thank you. I owe you everything, my life, my soul, my freedom, my ability to love." Dean spoke softly and slowly placed a feather light kiss of Cas forehead "All this you have given so freely, how can I ever thank you?"

"Just. Just stay with me Dean."

"Always." Dean told him through a sweet smile that stretch across his face.

He and Cas spent four hours laying on the sofa in each others arms watch crappy show after even crappier show, not that they cared when they had each other.

"Boys." Bobby wheeled into the room and said loud enough for Sam to hear and appear from the kitchen, "You'd better put your hunters hats on, we have trouble." Then just like that Bobby wheeled back into the study.

"Is that all he is going to tell us?" Cas asked Dean snorted he couldn't help it.

"Yeah it sucks when people don't elaborate isn't it?" Dean joked as he led the way to the study followed by Sam and Cas shortly after.

"Bobby what are you talking about?"

"Demons Dean, many of them."

"How many is, many?"

"At least 30."

"Why?"

"The same reason those demons tried to snatch Dean from under our noses they think were weak. We're, well you boys are their biggest threat, to demons you strike whilst we're wounded."

"How do you know all of this?" Sam asked looking doubtful.

"I've been tracking demonic actively around here for weeks, after I got a tip of from an old friend who ran into a demon with a loose tongue, I consulted the tarots and the psychics and there marching here now."

"Bobby we have to undo Dean's spell before they get here."

"agreed, Dean take this."

"why?"

"Because you have to salt and burn it to destroy it. That and slice your hand open."

Dean rolled his eyes and took the parchment and knife as he held the knife to his hand, he froze as Mary's words were ringing through his mind again. 'You will need to make the choice very soon, it will present it self in which ever reality you happen to be in. You will know when it comes. you have to be ready to make the choice Dean' he couldn't do this, not when he only came here to say good bye.

"Dean?" Cas asked. "Bobby, Sam if you two start to prepare for the attack I'll deal with Dean." The hunters nodded they both resented Cas taking charge over Dean but they both knew that if anyone was to get through to him it was be him. Cas took the knife of the still frozen Dean and led him into the living room.

"Dean?" Dean shot up at the sound of his voice.

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay? You froze up in there."

"Yeah."

"You sure, so your going to undo this spell and help save the day?"

"no."

"what!"

"I have to choose a reality in order to stop it, I cant choose this one. I cant, I want the other one. I'm sorry." Tears filled Cas' eyes and after he slammed his fist into Dean's face eyes were filling Dean's as well.

"What the fuck Dean! You're willing to leave us and all you have to say is that you're sorry! I told you to stay with me and you said 'always', always! How is this always you basted!"

"I'm sorry Cas I am but…" Cas held Dean by the collar of his clothes and shook him rather violently as he painfully screamed through his tears in his 'could-have-been lovers face.

"What makes you dream more real, more believable huh?"

"You do. You're happy there Cas, you laugh and it's wonderful and you smile and it's beautiful. Cas I can reach out and touch you there and really be with you." Cas was shaking he was so distort at the convocation he shouldn't be having.

"You, you can touch me here." Cas told Dean as he placed Deans hand to his face, Dean was trembling tears escaping he shut eyes "This is real, right here, right now." Dean shock his head and removed his hand.

"this, us, might feel real, this world feels real. But it's insane I'm insane, ghosts, werewolves, witches, vampires, demons and angels. I mean come on it's crazy. And I cannot do it anymore, I can't live here anymore baby, I can't die again, I cant have these memories of hell, I cant watch Sammy die or get hurt all the damn time. I can't live like this. Not when there's a possibility I can feel free, happy and normal." Cas was in unashamed tears holding onto Dean's face holding his forehead against his own.

"you can't mean this." Dean nodded as their faces touched and tears mixed.

"I could have a normal life." Dean cupped Cas' cheeks and made him stand still and look at him. Dean tried to steady his voice as he continued, he had to make Cas understand "I could have a lawn to mow, a bed to make, a garden to weed. Cas I could have a kitchen where I stand and drink coffee in the morning before I go to work. I Dean fucking Winchester could have a job an honest to god job. I go there and I have a life. A life I could share with you, with Jimmy. I would be free to be happy, free to be in love. I can tell you this because I know now that you're just a shadow. A shadow of him in my mind. I'm doing this for you." Castiel's tears were still streaming out of his red blood shoot eyes, at the sound of this he grabbed Dean and crushed his lips against his own and they shared a passionate, tender and desperate kiss. Both their lips moved together as did there tongue and hands as they groped and pulled each other closer. Cas parted and looked into Dean's eyes.

"Did that feel like a shadow Dean? Was that fake, unreal? Don't do this Dean, Jimmy is not real, he's not. I am look into your heart and I'll be waiting."

"You'll be waiting forever, I've made my mind up." Dean took out the pills.

"You're worth more to me than time Dean." He paused and hesitated his actions, he remembered everything they have been through together all Cas has been through for him.

"Cas. I love you but there Jimmy says it back. He would shout it to heaven and would give it all up to be with me." Just as Cas opened his mouth to speak back, Dean swallowed a handful of sleeping pills and Cas' last words to Dean ended up as a scream,

"NO!" Cas fell to his knees as Dean's body fell to the ground and the remaining pills scattered over the floor after collecting them Cas stared at the handful of colour pills that took Dean away he couldn't help but wonder if they would allow him to follow him. Suddenly Bobby called from the study.

"Will you two stopped messing around and get your asses in here those son of bitch's are nearly here."

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**Please review :) xxx**


	19. Chapter 19

_**To my readers;**_

_**I would like to apologise for the fact that there will no longer be any more updates for this story.**_

_**I love writing and I love all of you; however I will no longer be around to continue to write. I have been struggling for a while and it's all become too much.**_

_**I am really sorry.**_

_**I have really enjoyed writing for you and I hope you have enjoyed reading my stories.**_

_**I guess I'll see you all on the flipside.**_

_**Live well. Be happy : )**_

_**Good bless**_

_**Nutmeg17**_

_**xxxx**_


	20. Chapter 20

**Okay there is no way I can apologise for leaving this story for long; I'm soooooo sorry. I hope you're gonna read the update. It's the concluding chapter. The story is finished.**

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Dean opened his eyes slowly, apart from the pained he has grown accustomed to, his eyes felt heavy and groggy, side effect from taking sleeping pills to force his way rather then being thrown from reality to reality Dean thought. He was unsure just how long he was gone, but he was certain it was longer than usual. He was still in hospital but his wound seemed almost healed, well healed enough that he would be able to hunt with it, not that he needed to or planned to again, he was in a new world, the right world. After he settled in his surroundings a little more he looked around the room for Jimmy. He wasn't there and Dean's heart sank a little remembering Cas and how he always seemed to be by his side, his lips still tingling with that kiss, but he wasn't going to dwell on the past. No one was around in fact. Dean thought it strange but not out the ordinary so he rang the buzzer and soon enough a nurse came in.

"Oh, you're awake. I'll inform the doctor immediately." Before Dean had chance to thank the nurse she left the room and hurried down the corridor.

Dean couldn't enjoy the silence the lingering grips of his made up reality was buzzing in his ears. He could hear Cas, his angel screaming for him to come back, tears welled in his eyes but he pushed them back, concentrating on what was real.

It didn't take long for the doctor to arrive, checked his vitals, whilst gave him a once over Dean asked were jimmy was, the doctor didn't seem to know. Soon enough the doctor left leaving the man alone with the echoes of a once loved reality in his ear. Sammy and bobby had joined Cas now, all trying to get him back. A dull ache started to form in his chest, he though at first it was the pain of saying goodbye, but soon remembered the pain and figured someone on the other side was giving him CPR to get him back. It wouldn't work he thought, this is his world, this is right.

"Dean." A familiar voice said from the door way as he entered looking relived.

"Jimmy, oh god it's good to see you." He whispered into his neck as they embraced.

"You too, never leave me again." He spoke softly as he peppered the patients face with soft butterfly kisses.

"Deal." Dean spoke through a gently smile as he bathed in the delicate attention jimmy was showering him with, it felt so damn good. He ran a hand through his soft tousled hair as their lips finally met in a chaste loving kiss before jimmy settled in the chair.

After around twenty minutes of comfortable silence jimmy stood deciding they should get out of the stuffy depressing room.

"Come on, let's go for a walk to my office, stretch those adorable bow legs of yours."

"Watch it." He threatened as jimmy helped him out of bed, though there was no heat behind his words, he loving the gentle teasing of jimmy, it was so human. So unlike Cas, that thought pulled his stomach as the voices came back, from where he stashed them.

They walked in silence as Dean listened to the frantic voices of the people he thought were family, try to come up with a battle strategy, as he was unconscious and placed in the study. He was still present in that world. This thought filled Dean's mind for the rest of the walk to Jimmy's office.

They entered the office, dean took the chair he was offered and it felt very professional, too professional. Thankfully jimmy seemed to have sensed this because he bent down to quickly capture his lips before settling at his desk.

"How are you feeling?"

"The pain meds are wonderful." He joked, knowing that without them, he would be in so much more pain. Before jimmy could respond he heard bobby shout in the back of his head that they were almost there. Dean's cold ran cold momentarily before the man in front of him responded pulled Dean away from the imagined voices.

"I didn't mean that, I meant with your psychosis, you seem more settled in this reality. It's good."

"It is." He replied, just as the voices started up again, the demon were close, he knows Cas is distracted, feeling rejected and close to tears he doesn't know how he knew but he knew.

"Dean?" Jimmy asked concern painted all over his face.

"Huh?"

"You okay there? You kind of blanked out a little there."

"Oh sorry." He said with a half smile attempting to joke and brush it off.

"What is it?" he looked to the made with the angel face and sighed, he didn't want to lie.

"I can, I can still hear them. Their scarred, sad." Jimmy didn't seemed faced but his confession, merely nodded along.

"It will fade." He tried to reassure the man he loves.

"Their still coming." Dean muttered out loud as he listened to his 'family' as they readied themselves for what could be their last fight.

"Who?"

"Nothing." He said and tried to believe it, but couldn't quite stop the feeling of wrongness.

"You have to remember it's not real." Dean nodded in response with slightly less conviction then he felt when he first opened his eyes. "Here."

"What's this?" he asked eyeing a small whit bottle Jimmy held in his outstretched hand.

"Your new medication. It should keep the hallucinations away. Take it every day, keep up with your therapy and you'll be normal before you know it."

"But,"

"But what Dean?" he asked, visibly getting more and more tense.

"Their in danger." He whispered, feeling horrible.

"Dean their not real." He sternly said trying to get him to listen to him, and not the people in his head.

"I don't know, I haven't heard them like this before. They need help. There're going to be killed."

"Dean, take the pills. I want; I need you to be better. It breaks my heart to see you so lost." He tried the soft approach but it was obvious Dean had heard nothing, gazing to the closest wall, eyes hard and focused as he listened to what Jimmy couldn't hear. "Dean!"

"Their in pain." Dean jumped a little as he looked back to jimmy, eyes full of tears.

"Their not real!" he shouted back, annoyed that he thought he was making some progress.

"I can feel their pain!" he shouted back.

"Because their apart of you. You're making them up!"

"I can't stand by and hear them die. Because of me." Dean was visibly getting distressed, so Jimmy came so kneel next to him, hand on his shoulder and gently tried to get him to see reason.

"Then don't, take. The pills." He looked into those heart achingly identical blue eyes, lent forward and kissed his forehead.

"I came back for you Jimmy. You're happy here; I would do anything to make you happy." Dean stood, needing some distance; Sam was shouting in his head, he could feel Cas' fear. "I need to keep you safe. And you are. Their not, he's not."

"Whatever you're thinking about doing, don't." Jimmy's heart was now racing, hands shaking as he approached Dean, terrified he will loose him again.

"This way, whether he's real or if you are, you will both be safe." He tried not to look Jimmy in the eye, but the man came right in front of him holding his cheeks tears down his cheeks, feeling a mix of despair and anger.

"If you retreat into your mind it will kill you Dean!"

"It might not. I thought I knew but I don't, this place feels just as real as the other one. It doesn't matter what happens to me, they need me. Cas needs me."

"I need you." He spoke through gritted teeth, this cant be happening.

"You'll get over me. Would you wait for me, through time, however long it takes like him? He needs me more than you. I'm all he has."

"That's not true Dean, take the fucking pills!" he shouted thrusting the bottle at Dean who put his hands up in mock surrender refusing to take them.

"I can't tell the difference anymore, this way you're both alive."

"No!" he screamed throwing the pills at Dean falling to his knees and sobbed.

"They say, to wake up from a dream, you should kill your self." Dean said after a minute or so, jimmy instantly looked up, he was holding a letter opener.

"Don't. Please." He begged slowly getting to his feet. "I swear Dean if you don't stop, and take these pills. I'll sedate you tie you down and force them down you're throat!"

"I'm sorry. I love you." Was the last thing he said before driving the slightly blunt knife painfully into his chest.

"Dean!" Jimmy shouted diving to the floor to cradle his limp body as he bled out despite Jimmy's efforts as he screamed for help.

Dean sat up with gasping for air, tears freshly fallen, body in complete agony. He clutched his chest as he tried to even out his breathing and ignore the pain. He was alone in the study, though he could hear the sound of fighting beyond the closed doors. They were probably doing all he could to keep the demons away from his unconscious body. He felt so incredibly guilty, he didn't have time to wallow however he had to do something. The parchment on bobby's desk caught his eye, he strolled over doused it with salt, folding it to keep as much as it on it as possible before grabbing a knife and a lighter.

He pushed the doors open, startling hunters, angel's and demons alike, Cas almost looked like he was going to pass out from shock, Sam and bobby didn't look too much better either. The demons that were still standing stood stock still, looking like they were about to advance of the obviously weakened hunter. Without thinking Dean dropped the knife and lit the parchment aflame. Causing a bright light to appear, brighter than a mere flame would produce. It forced Dean to close his eyes, when they were opened, demons were non existent in the room, he assumed it was to do with really powerful magic stopping or something. He was going to ask when he suddenly got attacked by Cas who flung himself into Dean's arms. Both were in tears, Cas pulled away and looked Dean in the eye, lost for words fore a moment.

"You came back." Normally Dean would say something above the obviousness of his statement, but he could see in Cas' eyes that he seemed to be convincing himself it was real that Dean was actually standing there.

"I had too."

"Why?" he asked, reaching out and placing his palm over the hunters heart, feeling it beat.

"I could hear you guys fighting, could feel your pain and fear. I had to do something." He answered truthfully sliding his hand over Cas'

"I thought you didn't believe in us." He said more sternly, obviously hurt from recent events, Dean couldn't blame him.

"I realised it didn't matter. If it meant keeping you safe, I would risk it. I'm glad I did." The angel caressed Dean's cheek with his other hand, stroking his softly with his thumb, still in shock he was really there.

"I love you." The angel said, Dean couldn't suppress the smile that formed on his face and before either of them knew it their lips were pressed together, both feeling the relief, happiness and love in that kiss. Neither was willing to stop, but they were aware of the other two in the room and Dean felt a great urge to hug and apologise to both of them.

They pulled apart but just barley, Dean speaking into Cas' mouth before pulling away completely.

"I love you too."

Six months later

Dean woke in the spare room at Bobby's that has both been appointed and christened as Dean and Cas'. The hunter woke nestled in warmth and protected by his angels arms wrapped around him. His favourite part of the day was the few minutes he had after awaking, dreams still lingering to his consciousness, and Cas' breath even against the back of his neck. Peace, complete and utter peace. He knew that when they woke they had work to do. They had to risk their lives and each other for the sake of the world, so each and every morning whether it was in their bed or a random motel he thanked god for another morning, that Cas was still there and he was still there. He basked in the glow of the angels love filtering through his grace a few minutes at the start of each day and it made everything worth it.

Jimmy woke to the usual sound of repetitive beeping of the machines surrounding him. He blinked the sleep from his eyes and scratched his unshaved chin before placing his hand back over Dean's and making his love a promise.

"I will wait for you Dean, however long it takes. You will wake up. And I will be here when you do, I promise."

* * *

**Hope you liked it.**


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